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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 17, 2009 14:24:55 GMT -5
It was hard for Dal to pull away from the very thing she wanted more then anything, she wanted to be one with Nash. The only way to pull away completely was to remind herself that he’d stopped it. He’d been the one to reject her and apologize for something that shouldn’t need apology. He’d wanted it once with someone else, he’d obviously not stopped it then. Lyndal couldn’t understand how he could stop with the one he called his soul mate, but not with the one he’d admitted he wasn’t sure he’d ever loved.
His words filled the silence of the room, but Lyndal just nodded not wanting to hear them or see any logic of apology in what he said. She couldn’t see how it was rushing anything, they were in love and it had been gradual less then seconds ago they’d both clearly wanted it, something she still did. As he shook his head Lyndal felt confusion and frustration, the very action made her feel he was viewing her like a child. When he brought up experience it only reminded her further of her inexperience. “Its not about experience, I’m not a child Nash and I’m not doing this to fix anything. I’m doing this because I want you, I want to share this with you.” She said her voice a little stronger then it maybe needed, but she remembered to keep the tone low so as not to wake the rest of the house.
“You don’t need to make excuses about experience and fixing thing. I’m a grown up and I know you just don’t want that from me.” Lyndal said, she knew the mention of grown up and the words with it all made her sound anything but mature, but she was hurt and rejected. Her body was firing on a passion she’d never felt for anyone else in her life and now it had no outlet, she didn’t know what else to do but get mad. She’d cried already tonight and that just wasn’t an option now.
More then anything else Dal knew she was ready, she knew she was suppose to wait for marriage but Nash was her soul mate. Soul mates were forever and imprinting was stronger then any marriage vow from what she understood, so Lyndal didn’t see what she wanted as wrong. There would be no regret in the morning on her part. “I wouldn’t ever regret this with you. I want you to be the one I share this with, so why would I regret it?” She said leaning forward moving her knees underneath her as she felt on the bed closer to Nash then she had been with then drawn up, she wanted to be close to him. Lyndal hoped the closeness would convince him that it was right what they wanted and had been doing, hoping to pick it up again. “If you want to be with me so much and love me like you say then show me, if not please just leave me alone tonight.” It was an ultimatum, another childish move that she recognized as soon as she said it, but Lyndal wanted the words to have an effect; he couldn’t say one thing and do another.
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 17, 2009 15:03:44 GMT -5
Stopping the progression of love was nearly impossible for Nash, as a man, as an imprinter. His heart wanted to give into her ever desire, and not stifle any action she made. His own body wanted to continue in its search for pleasure. But his emotions and his mind were struck with knowing it wasn't right and fearing the consequences.
Nash saw Lyndal nod but knew he wasn't helping the situation. He didnt know how to explain to her how he was feeling. He wasnt even sure he understood everything himself, the paralyzing fear that prevented him from going further. "I never said you were a child and thats not how I see you at all...you're a beautiful, sexy, desirable woman" He told her hearing her say how she wanted to share this with him. He wanted it to, and wanted to just apologize for stopping, gratefully accepting what she was offering but he knew it felt wrong. "An hour ago you weren't trying to share this with me, we fought, both got hurt and are trying to feel better...I dont want our first time together to be make up sex, it should be more than that"
"How can you think that I don't want that from you? I am completely in love with you, I just want it to be special, I want it to be everything you deserve" He said wishing he could convey to her how much he wanted her. "If I didnt stop then, I wouldnt have been able to stop myself later thats how badly I do want you"
Nash didnt believe that Lyndal wouldn't regret it in the morning even as she said it, maybe she hadn't realized it yet. "I would regret it" He told her, feeling a pain in his soul even saying the words, knowing it sounded wrong. "Maybe you wouldn't tomorrow but you would eventually" He said knowing the timing wasn't right. He should be creating a romantic evening for her first, not just coming up to stop her tears and convince her he loved her. Nash's every thought was torn as she gave him the ultimatum. Prove he loved her and go against the building fear inside of him or leave, something that would cause him excruciating pain. "That's not fair...if you dont even believe that I love you like I say I do, we shouldnt even be thinking of going further"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 17, 2009 15:26:01 GMT -5
As they spoke Lyndal knew Nash was trying to be logical in a situation and moment that didn’t call for logic, what more logic was there then they both wanted each other? “If I’m so desirable why stop it? Why not just have what you apparently desire?” She asked flippantly with a toss of her hand brushing off his attempts to compliment her with words she saw as a lie against his actions. As he spoke of before their fight she laughed half heartedly, “An hour ago I was reading a history assignment, I wasn’t thinking about coming to find you to share anything with you then maybe your views on the war of independence. But an hour ago you were thinking about your ex who you ‘shared’ something with, but wont share with your imprintee?” She used the word snidely hating the way her angered voice made it sound, she looked been his soul mate and even the term the pack and other imprintees had attached to it.
“You’re what I deserve, what I want and all of that will make it special.” Right then she didn’t feel special or deserving of anything except maybe a time out of a cold shower. Her body was pulsing for him, her heart was still racing but it wasn’t the anger that fueled it, it was how close she’d been to Nash closer then ever before. ‘So don’t stop yourself, don’t hold back. If we both want it it can’t be wrong or regrettable.” She said with hope in her voice that he wanted it too that maybe it was only a small piece of will power that was holding him back.
His words hit her with the force of a house or speeding car. He’d regret it. After that she heard little or what she did hear didn’t settle. He’d regret been with her. “If you’d regret it so much why not just go. I’m supposed to be the love of your life, that’s how you made it sound, yet you’d regret taking that step with me? Just go Nash.” Lyndal said feeling the tears started to well up all hope gone with those four words. She hoped then he’d take the ultimatum and when he did she’d take back her earlier promise not to leave, Laurie would come get her no matter the time then she’d go home and forget about Wolves, imprinters and soul mates.
“It’s not about fair or about me just believing what you say, its about us proving it to each other and that’s something I’m fully ready to do. I’m not the one backing off Nash, but if you are then fine.” Lyndal said sitting back on her heels unable to believe that their conversation sounded like a break up, he was her soul mate and yet their words could be believed to be an ending to what they had. “A few minutes ago we weren’t just thinking about it, we were doing it and you stopped it. I don’t understand you and right now at – “ She looked at the clock, “Well after midnight I’m not sure I want to start trying to. I have school tomorrow.” She reminded him. Lyndal knew she wouldn’t sleep, she knew her mind would be wrapped in this night for days to come.
Still close to him despite sitting back on her heels Lyndal reach out for Nash’s hand pulling it into her own and up to her cheek as she shifted herself to sit, carefully, on his covered lap. “If you want me Nash I’m yours, if not then this hoozah has to stop. You can’t say one thing and do another.” Lyndal lent forward kissing his lips slower then before but still pushing the intensity and passion, her hand dropped from his on her cheek and cupped his head again. Pulling back slightly she looked him in the eyes as she spoke. “I want you.”
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 17, 2009 16:02:04 GMT -5
"Why not give in? It would be selfish for me to give in to my desires right now" Nash told her, listening to her admit she wasnt thinking of this an hour ago but wishing she saw that as proof. "That's exactly why this isnt the right time, it shouldnt be impulsive, we should be ready for it" He said then frowning as she brought up how he shared this with his ex but wouldnt with her. "I plan to share it with you some day, but I was an irresponsible fool when I did with her...and it didnt exactly work out that well for me or our relationship after."
"But the way we're doing this, thats not right, I mean look at us? We're still fighting now, how is this going to make things perfect for you?" He told her even as she fought that just being with him would make it special.
Nash looked down, not feeling deserving of looking at her right now as he heart the hurt in her voice after he told her he'd regret it. He knew she didnt understand. She hadn't gone through what he had. She didnt know how she'd feel in the morning, how he regretted the timing and events around tonight. "There's no supposed to about it, you are the love of my life, I will never love any other woman the way I do you" He told her staring at the pillow on his lap. "I wouldnt regret taking the step with you but now, and like this...its not how it should be...I dont want to lose you" He added looking back up at her pleadingly, not wanting to leave but knowing he'd have to if she insisted. "Let me stay...let me hold you"
"We shouldnt have to prove anything to each other, do you really want it to be a test of love? We should both know we're in love and know the timing is right, not just get caught up in the passion" He tried explaining. "We weren't thinking before and the smartest decisions arent made that way...and sex is complicated, it can ruin things..." He said looking down again as she said howshe didnt want to try to understand him right now and tried to brush him off saying she had school.
Nash let her take his hand, feeling a little more at ease with the contact as he met her eyes again. He put his arms around her as she said on his lap. "I want you, there's no question in that" He said returning her kiss but with uncertainty.
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 17, 2009 23:56:38 GMT -5
Lyndal honestly couldn’t understand how anything he was going to do would be selfish, they were her desires too. She doubted that the even would be filled by one sides enjoyment even if he did seem to lable himself selfish. “Its not selfish if I want it too.” she told him firmly wanting him to realize she was sure about what she was saying. Lyndal knew she could use the power of the imprintee on him and ask for it, demand it almost and, according to him, he couldn’t refuse, but she wanted him to want to give it to her. Bringing up Michele was a low blow even for her attitude as it was right then, but it was how she felt. “But we’re different, we’re in love and I wont end up leaving you no matter what happened. Besides I’ve taken care of the responsibility side.” She said laying her head to one side to appear innocent even as she all but admitted to the birth control.
“It was right, it was going fine till you stopped it all.” Lyndal said putting it on him because he was the one that stopped what was happening, she’d have gone all the way if he hadn’t have stopped her hand. “It was perfect, been with you always is.” She said sullenly.
She was hurt and he was hurt, it wasn’t exactly how she imagined her night turning out. In fact when she’d gone to bed earlier, after saying good night, Lyndal had expected to finish her assignment and maybe get a couple of hours sleep. No where in her night plan did it have almost sleeping with Nash then fighting. If she was the love of his life why would there be any regret in anything they did. “You wouldn’t lose me, there would be no morning after regret; not for me.” She said honestly knowing she could never regret sharing that with Nash. Asking him to leave was hard, but she figured it was easier then keeping her hands to herself or worst still fighting for the rest of the night. There was truth, she did need sleep especially as she doubted there’d be more study. Been held even to sleep sounded amazing, but Lyndal needed the space. “I don’t just want to be held now.” She said been honest and open with him, more honest and open then she ever was with anyone.
"We shouldnt have to prove anything to each other, do you really want it to be a test of love? We should both know we're in love and know the timing is right, not just get caught up in the passion" He tried explaining. "We weren't thinking before and the smartest decisions arent made that way...and sex is complicated, it can ruin things..." He said looking down again as she said howshe didnt want to try to understand him right now and tried to brush him off saying she had school.
“Its not a test of love, its showing love.” She told him knowing it wouldn’t be to prove her love or for him to prove his even if now she wondered if she should make him prove his love. “We’re were caught in passion and we are in love, why wait for timing we should just go with what feels right and that to me felt more then right.” She said trying to counter his words with her own logic as she saw it. “Fine so lets complicate things more, because it wasn’t complicated to fall in love at first sight, explain the imprinting thing and tell me you can turn into a wolf. No that was all straight forward, huh?” She snapped wondering when anything about them had been uncomplicated and why he wouldn’t just add to the complication.
School was a brush off, sort of. She did have school, but sleep wasn’t going to come soon.
Climbing on to his lap Lyndal knew what she was aiming for. With her hand on his head she wrapped her other hand round his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around her. His words spurred her on in her actions as their lips met again. Slowly Lyndal moved her legs to place her feet either side of his waist facing him completely to deepen the kiss.
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 18, 2009 0:15:57 GMT -5
"Its selfish of me because I know better" Nash said knowing it was true. She thought she wanted this now, but he still thought she'd end up regretting it later. "I know you're different, and we are different...but things could still end up the same" he said hearing her admit she had the responsibility part covered. His mind flashed back to being with Michelle and her telling him she was on the pill. It had been a lie. She hadn't been trying to get pregnant but had later told him she didnt think he'd have done it if she had said she wasnt. It caused his stomach to turn remembering it.
"Being with you is perfect too, which is why I want our first time to be so much more than this, something nicer...we don't even know who might hear us" He admitted, knowing this was not the ideal time.
"Things would change between us, and I dont want that to happen, I love you and I love how we are together" He told her, feeling inadequate as she told him that she didnt want to just be held now. Should he go through with something he didnt feel was right to please her in the moment? He knew he'd have to if she insisted. He just wanted her to see his reasonings and decide for herself.
"No you didnt want me to show you love, you told me to prove it, IF I loved you like I said" Nash said, his voice holding some annoyance with her, though he'd never get mad. "Thats not how our night should be. It felt...amazing. But it wasn't right." He said knowing that getting caught in animalistic lust was something any two people could do, but he wanted her to feel completely loved, something that wasn't in the mood between them tonight, and hadn't been after his phone call.
Nash knew her words were true. He had complicated her life with the imprinting and telling her he was a wolf. Nothing about them was simple. He wondered if deep down it all bothered her, and she was lashing out now with her true feelings. "No it wasn't straight forward" He agreed with her.
It was difficult for Nash to remain in control as she deepened the kiss and adjusted her position on top of him. He tried to make sure he kept his arms and hands at respectful places as he held her, and avoided going under any clothes. He kissed her, matching her passion then pulled back slowly. "Let me spend the night with you, stay in my arms, feel my love"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 18, 2009 0:35:46 GMT -5
Telling him she was on the pill was Lyndal’s attempt to seem mature and in control of what she knew would eventually happen between them. Asking the doctor, especially when she realized it was Laurie, was the hardest thing she’d done and she knew her parents would be so angry. She saw something flash over his face when she mentioned it. “I did it to cover our bases. That’s when I saw Laurie again.” she said with a shrug hoping he ‘d see she was telling the truth. “I’ve been taking it regularly, its ok.” She said hoping it would help persuade him to her way of thinking. She had no clue of anything he and Michelle had talked about or gone through in regards to the birth control.
The slight laughter that escaped her lips was a genuine response to his comment about noise. “Loud are we?” She smirked teasingly, jokingly and alluringly. “There’s always going to be someone around, we’re never very alone.” She remarked knowing the last time they’d been alone in the house was the night he told her what he was.
“Things are going to change eventually, we can’t and wont stay like this forever.” Lyndal said growing more infuriated by his delays and excuses, part of her wished she’d never started or pushed the subject. “Do you always want a plutonic relationship that never goes beyond kissing? Are you waiting for something? My age? Travis to be ok with it? What Nash?” She asked pushing his limits and wanting to know what it was he was waiting for.
“Then prove it to me and show me.” She said hearing the growing annoyance in his voice and matching it with her own. She wanted to be shown his love not just hear it and right then the only way she could see for that to happen was sex. “Then maybe it’ll never be right. Will you always have some excuse, some reason not to go further?” She asked throwing her hands up in exasperation of the point not knowing what to do next.
Lyndal hadn’t meant to bring up the Wolf or the Imprinting, she understood those things now or thought she did this whole night was unsteadying a lot of things. “this is straight forward though. I love you and you love me and this is the next step, or so I thought.” Lyndal said with a shrug. “Maybe I’m wrong I’m not the one with experience.” her comment was snide and another childish jab.
Kissing as they were Lyndal hoped Nash would give in, see the logic and love in what they were doing, but he pulled back. “Do what you want Nash.” Lyndal said standing with an easy move from his lap and moving to sit back on the bed. Without speaking again Lyndal laid in bed, as best she could, with her back to him. Her heart was racing and her lips still tingled from the kiss but her pride was hurt and her eyes pricked with tears. “Just turn out the light and do what you want.” She muttered again pulling the blankets hard around herself shutting out an easy entry for him to hold her if he did chose too.
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 18, 2009 0:56:21 GMT -5
Nash was surprised to learn that she had asked her brother for the birth control. Even more so that he hadn't found out about it until now, when they shared so much. "Why didnt you tell me before?" He asked, not upset she had kept it from him, and if he thought about it probably would have seen it was a personal, and rather female issue, but his mind was still feeling a bit divided between the past and present.
He gave a smile as he heard her light laugh, glad to hear the noise despite their tension. "Its possible...and we don't know if you are" He said with a grin, trying to focus his thoughts away from imagining what she'd be like in bed, knowing it would make fighting it harder. "Risking getting walked in on with something like this isnt how you want to remember your first time"
"Not forever, but what's your rush? Aren't you happy with where we are? You've waited this long in your life but a few months into our relationship its now the most important thing to you?" He asked her. "I dont know what I'm waiting for, but I figure I'll know it when we're there" He said, knowing that all he knew now was he was scared and felt like this would be the end of them if he went through with it.
He sighed as she again told him to prove it and show it. "I dont want this to be some sort of test, is that really how you imagined it would be?" He asked her shaking his head again. "No I'm not just coming up with excuses...Geez, do you know how badly I wanted you right then? To just push you back on the bed and have my way?"
"Maybe this is the next step, but is there a time limit? Why does it have to be now? " He furrowed his brow in sadness as she mentioned how she wasn't the one with experience. "Thats one of the things I love about you. I'm tainted, damaged goods. I dont want to make those mistakes with you"
As Lyndal moved away again as he broke off their kiss, he felt a deep loss and a disconnect from her. He got up and turned off the light as requested and stared back at the bed for a moment. He wasn't even sure he knew what he wanted anymore. He just wanted her, but actions he wasn't good at knowing the right thing. He quietly walked back to the bed and laid down beside her, flat on his back. Her body language was clear she wasn't inviting him near her, but he'd be there if she changed her mind. "I love you Lyndal"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 18, 2009 12:27:20 GMT -5
Lyndal wasn’t sure why she hadn’t told him, the main reason had been she didn’t want him to think that was all she wanted or that she was expecting it to go that far so soon. Now it had gone to that point, or almost got there, she wished she’d told him before as a part of her wondered if that was what had stopped him. “It was just something I did; I wanted us to be prepared and careful. I want to have kids with you Nash, just when we choose not by accident.” She said hoping he wouldn’t think she was putting Travis down by him been an accident.
Even through their fighting Lyndal matched Nash’s grin, he had a point that they didn’t know how she’d react or how them both, as soul mates, would be with each other. “I guess that’s a valid point, maybe it should be somewhere more private.” Lyndal knew about what they’d be doing eventually and she wasn’t completely naive to have not talked about it with friends, she knew what to expect from a first time. Private was probably best. “Is that how your first time was?” She asked suddenly curious just how much experience he truly had feeling that now the subject was out and open for discussion.
It wasn’t that it was suddenly the most important thing to her Lyndal just realized that she was ready and wanted it. “Well, how long do you want to wait? I’m happy with where we are, but isn’t it ok to want more especially after it was all but offered?” She asked thinking back to moments ago when they were so close to consummating what they had. “You’ll know? What about what I know? This isn’t just one person’s choice or timing.” She snapped knowing that she was also pushing what she wanted just as much as he was making it to be when he wanted.
Lyndal heard his sigh and it just served to make her more irate and irritated. “I didn’t imagine I’d be stopped half way into something like that, so no none of it is as I imagined now that you ask.” She said with a sigh of her own. As he told her how much he wanted her Lyndal smiled happy to know that even if he couldn’t or wouldn’t show it he did want her. “So do it, its not just your way if I want you that much too. I want you just as much as you want me, why wait?”
“So you think there’s another step?” She asked wondering what else they could have before that, they’d said their I love yous and certainly passed a fair few bases. Watching his reaction and hearing his words Lyndal shook her head. “You are not damaged goods, and none of what we do would be a mistake. I love you as you are, I just want a little more of you.” She told him honestly feeling no shame in what she wanted. Moving in to the bed and pulling the covers around her Lyndal hoped Nash would leave, or atleast a small part of her did. There was still a part of her that wished he’d stay even if she wasn’t sure she would let him touch her or even be able to sleep, having him there in any way was better then not having him there. They had so few nights together between the house been full and his patrolling that part of her knew she should quit been childish and just let him hold her. As the light went out and the bed shifted Lyndal copied Nash’s stance and rolled on to her back, a difficult task in a small bed. “I love you too” She muttered staring up into the darkness and thinking about another night they’d laid the same way. “I want you Nash and that’s not going to change. I’m jealous, jealous of a woman for the things she shared and still shares with you.” She admitted finally finding the truth to say it in the dark, she’d been jealous of Michelle a long time but hearing him say her name that night brought it all to a head.
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 18, 2009 13:14:53 GMT -5
"That was awhile ago" Nash commented thinking it was early in their relationship for her to have been already thinking about birth control. He didnt think he had even told her about the wolf and imprinting stuff when she reconnected with her brother. He nodded as she said she wanted to be prepared and careful and choose when they had children. "I want that too...but even being prepared, it doesnt work 100% of the time, there would always be a chance, even now..." He said knowing nothing was foolproof.
Nash was relieved when she admitted that maybe they should be somewhere more private for their first time. "Thats what I want for us" He said, knowing the idea of his family walking in didnt add to the most romantic environment. When she asked how his first time was, he wondered if she really did want to hear the details or if it would just make things harder, but he couldnt keep something from her. "The first time, we were at her house, supposed to be doing homework...her parents were still at work so we were alone"
"I shouldnt have let things go that far" Nash told her as she said how she wanted it after it was all but offered to her. He had made the mistake of letting it go to the point where she thought that was where it was leading. He should have kept it lighter if he wasn't going to go through with it. "And I dont know how long I want to wait...maybe until we're at a point that if our precautions failed...we'd be ready to handle the result...you're still so young I dont want to do that to your life, make you give up what I have." He loved his son, but he had to grow up too quickly once he was a father. He sighed as she said how it wasn't just one person's choice or timing "You're right its not, it should be both of us, and right now its not"
Nash could feel her anger rising and it hurt him knowing he was causing it. "I tried to stop it before it got further than we've gone on any other day...I wasn't trying to hurt you" He told her. "When its right, I'll be honored to, we'll give in to it all, and I'll try to make it magical"
"I am damaged goods, I've messed up before, ask any parents on the Rez, I'm not the guy they want their daughter dating...but you're so good, I dont want to bring you down, to make the same mistakes over again" He wished that he had waited until he had met Lyndal, that it could have been both of their first times, but he knew as soon as he thought it, he couldnt wish that. He couldnt wish that Travis hadn't happened. He loved his son too much.
Hearing her return his love, despite their fight was a comfort as they laid side by side in the bed. He turned his head as he heard her speak of being jealous of Michelle. "That was years ago, what I had with her, was nothing compared to what we have" He said getting silent for a moment before speaking of his true emotions too. "I'm terrified of losing you, that instead of this bringing us closer it'll end up with you walking out the door...it's what I had happen before, but with you...I dont know how I'd survive"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 18, 2009 14:55:38 GMT -5
It was a while ago and Dal knew maybe it had been too early, but she wanted to be covered incase they ever got to that point. “it was a while back, but I knew I loved you from the minute you looked up in the airport. I want us to be covered incase we decided…I mean incase…”Lyndal let her words fall off she wasn’t as brave as she thought when it came to saying the words to him. “We could use other stuff too.” She said hesitantly aware she was probably going to lose the battle of words over the actions she wanted to share with him.
Where was private? Dal knew the rez was full of gossips it wasn’t like they could sneak off together to be alone and the house was rarely empty, even less since been caught together kissing. “Then we’ll be waiting along time to be alone together.” She said with a pout. Even as she asked she wondered if hearing about his first time would hurt her or if she’d feel anything more. “Not planned either then?” She said with a raised eye brow knowing that that wouldn’t help her cause to be with him, he’d want to plan he’d already made that clear. “Was that when Travis was….” Again she trailed off not feeling the conviction of her feelings to say any words that went with the act.
In some of what Nash said Lyndal could see logic or understand what he meant, other things she felt as if he was talking down to her and trying to be in charge of something they were both equal in. “You shouldn’t have? Why must it come down to you, I’m not a child! If I’d have wanted to stop I could have too you know.” She said with more anger losing the control on the volume of her words. There was no calm to her anger but she dropped her voice again before going on. “So you mean til marriage?” She said with a scoff, seeing it more as a blow off then a promise or condition. The more he commented on age and experience the angrier and more child like Lyndal felt there weren’t that many years between them and he was doing the same thing and more before he was her age. “Stop it Nashal. You’re two years older then me, that’s nothing. Don’t tell me I’m so young, I’m living away from home I haven’t lived with my parents in years. I’m not a baby! I’m much more responsible then you were at my age I’m sure.” She told him harshly hating that he was using the two years ago gap between them when she was just as mature as him even if she wasn’t showing so much of it in their current conversation. She hated her last comment as it left her mouth knowing he was a father and working father at that by her age, but she couldn’t take back her words.
“You tried, you did this, you did that. You’re right none of this is an US thing, you making all the decisions and controlling all the actions.” She said with a more irritation, she didn’t want him controlling this situation or the relationship. “This is a relationship with both of us in it, stop trying to take it all on you. I can make it magical too and I’ll be honored to have you.” She said using his own word mockingly but with a touch of sincerity in the speech.
It was horrible to hear the man she loved be so self deprecating, she wasn’t perfect but he was building her up to be. “I’m not perfect Nash, I have my faults. I’m hopeless in school, all the teachers hate me right now. My own parents were even happy when I decided to stay when they left. And as for you and dating other girls on the rez, we know that isn’t happening so don’t care. I love you and I don’t care what you past says.” She said forgetting their fight for the moment and concentrating on making him see he was more perfect then he believed. “As for mistakes if you mean Travis, or any kid, I’d be happy to make that mistake with you. Any other mistakes we make in life we’ll be together.” She said with a shake of her head knowing then that his biggest fear was her leaving him like Michelle had, something Dal would never do.
In the silence she knew what he felt before he voiced the words. “I’m not ever going to leave you, no matter how much you push me away or tell me no.” She said letting a little humor slide into her words as she turned to face him in the dark. “I wouldn’t survive. I’m always going to be here.” Gently Dal rolled on to her side to face him touching his cheek again, the only contact she could trust herself with or face giving without him thinking she was pushing boundaries again. “I can do slow and I can keep my hands to myself so long as you know whatever happens I’m not her Nash, I wont leave you.” \
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 18, 2009 15:39:31 GMT -5
"I knew I loved you in that same moment, that you were the one for me for the rest of my life" Nash said, appreciating that she did think ahead, even if he had thought that she had been a little premature with the decision. "I know...but even then there's a chance...and maybe wolf...genes overcome all of that" He said knowing there hadn't been any studies done on the effectiveness of birthcontrol when a shapeshifter was involved.
"It wont be that long, and it'll be better that way" He tried to convince her knowing if they got walked in on it would be the worst possible evening for them. He shook his head as she asked if it had been planned. It had been two 15 year olds giving in to their urges. Unplanned and irresponsible. He looked down ashamed as she asked if that was when Travis was conceived (or so he assumed the sentence would have finished). "I dont know for sure...there were a few times" He said not thinking it would help her if he specified how long they had been active before she found out the news that they were having a child.
"You could have stopped too, but you didn't so I did" Nash said, still feeling he did the right thing by her as well as himself. "I know you're not a child, I'm not trying to make you feel that way, I just want what's best for you, and for us" He tried explaining. "Maybe..." he commented on the marriage idea, thinking it wasn't that bad. If they were married they'd be at the point where having a child, planned or not, would be okay and acceptable. He already knew he wanted to marry her, even if he hadn't proposed (which he was not planning to do during a fight). It was one of his ideas for how she could stay in the country, even if that was sooner than most people would meet and marry.
He was surprised to hear her call him Nashal, rarely hearing her, or anyone, use his full name, but getting his attention that she was really upset. "I know two years isnt much and I don't think you're a baby..." He insisted again, stopping as he heard her say how she was more responsible than he was at his age. It angered him that she could say something like that to, knowing what he had been through, as if she still thought he hadn't learned from his mistakes and grown responsible. "5 years ago, I'm sure you were more mature and responsible...but when I was your age I wasn't given the luxury of entering in a fancy exchange program to see other countries and observe the natives. I was struggling to finish school and get my degree, raising a toddler, and working a job to support us both so that he didnt suffer from my mistakes...oh and then I found out I had to add in protecting the people I care about, and my tribe from vampires that actually existed...but you're right, you with you're much responsible already..maybe you can go to the beach tomorrow after class" He said annoyed, but feeling the pain immediately from speaking to her that way, as if his soul was punishing him for the act.
Nash didnt hear the hint of sincerity in her speech, only the mocking nature to her words. He hadn't been trying to control her or their relationship, he'd never wanted that, but that was how she saw him. He knew he couldnt say anymore against her, despite the fact that he wanted to tell her how she was being just as selfish making this about the timing she wanted and not caring that he didnt want this right now. If it was the other way around, he never would have tried to force himself on her. But he knew he'd already acted out too much towards her.
"You are perfect, completely so" He told her giving a light smile as she said how they both knew he wouldnt be dating any of the other girls on the rez. He appreciated her words, that she didnt care about his past and would make mistakes with him. "Thank you" He said softly.
She reassured him of everything he wanted to hear but he still could hear her threats of leaving from not too long ago, and wanting him gone as well. He had to believe what she said though, he always would, because of his love for her. He turned onto his side so that he could face her. " I know you're not her, I just don't want history to repeat itself" He told her. "I want you, and I know we will go further...just please don't leave me"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 18, 2009 22:30:04 GMT -5
Talking about it now Lyndal felt nervous and embarrassed about getting the birth control, she knew it had been premature but she’d never felt so intensely in love with someone before that she wanted to be prepared. “Wolf Genes?” She said with a light laugh in her voice, she knew he was right there wasn’t exactly a precedent for protecting against shapeshifters. “Maybe we’ll need the double protection until we’re ready. I know I kinda jumped the gun on it.” she said shyly.
Lyndal knew he was right, it wouldn’t be the best night of her life (as it should be) if they were walked in on especially if it was Travis. “Ok on that part your right.” She said conceding defeat on one part. Hearing about he and Michelle Lyndal felt jealous, especially when he admitted it had been more then once. She knew they’d have had more then one encounter, but it still made her jealous that she was yet to have one. “A few.” She said with a shrug and a nod hating his diplomatic answer, but trying not to show she cared and was jealous.
“I didn’t want to stop, I still don’t want us to be stopping that’s what I didn’t stop it.” She said defending her inaction against his words and his actions. As he continued to claim he didn’t intend to treat her like a child, but she didn’t believe him while he continued to treat her as such and talk to her like it. “You are the best for me, so whatever you do is best for me.” Lyndal wanted to protest been spoken to like a child but she didn’t push it as he moved on to her comment about waiting til they were married. Marriage wasn’t something she could ever be averse to so long as it was to Nash, having been raised to believe waiting til marriage was for the best Dal wasn’t sure why now she was fighting it so much. She also wondered when that would be, she knew her visa expired in a few months and although she wasn’t thinking about marriage to stay she did wonder if they’d consummate their relationship before she left.
As soon as she said the words she knew she was wrong, she knew at her age he was a full time father and worker and student. When Nash replied she heard how much she’d hurt him and angered him. Now both of them were angry and clearly upset. “Nash I didn’t mean …’ His words cut of her protest as she started letting herself fall silent to listen to her verbal punishment and pain she’d caused. When he brought up the exchange it was her turn to be angry further angered by his flippant remark about her going to the beach after class. It wasn’t all his fault, Dal knew she hadn’t been forth coming about her class issues or rather failure, but the comment pushed her further. “Fancy exchange programme? I wanted to get out of the same country and town I’ve lived in my whole life and its hardly fancy been dumped on a reservation in the middle of nowhere.” Another comment she regretted immediately. “Oh and a luxury of been in the same country as your parents but they still make no effort of a relationship. Real nice life.” She said snidely and just as angered as he’d seemed. “As for heading to the beach it’d be lovely if it wasn’t for the 3 assignments I have to do, and the 2 over due or the tests I have to study for. So yea I’ll go to the beach or run of vampire hunting.” She said just as harshly as he’d thrown out the beach idea. Lyndal hated the anger in her own voice and hated the anger she’d caused in his speech. It was horrible to fight with him and her own heart hurt to make him hurt.
Lyndal was been mocking and she knew it was childish, but she wanted some reaction even if it wasn’t the reaction she wanted. Her sincerity was lost and she knew it by his face, “I would be honored to have you, I really mean that.” She said to make him realize.
They could spend all night complimenting each other and their perfection, but that wasn’t the subject of the night or conversation. Instead she smiled, “Your welcome.” Truth was she didn’t want to think of any other woman or their mother thinking about dating or setting him up to date their child.
She knew telling him she’d stay meant little after what she’d threatened before, even when then she’d meant to go through with the threats. Facing each other Dal stared into Nash’s face shadowed in the dim light of the room. “History wont repeat because you’re different now, so different with me and in yourself. And we wont let it repeat itself.” She said knowing she still wanted him that night, but that she wasn’t going to get him as she wanted. His words were so raw that her heart ached and went out to him. “I’ll never leave you.” She said knowing that now she couldn’t leave him even at the end of the year. Moving closer to him Dal reach out and rested her hand on his bear arm rubbing it gently. “I promise I wont leave you, but please don’t push me away.” She said honestly knowing she didn’t want to be on the fringe of all he had to offer.
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Nashal Winters
Dazzled
Werewolf Imprinted on Lyndal Chambers
Posts: 162
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Post by Nashal Winters on Nov 18, 2009 22:58:03 GMT -5
"You never know...I mean they want to be passed on, stubborn little guys" Nash said with a light laugh of his own, knowing that laughter was better than anger, even if it was momentary. He smiled softer as she said she jumped the gun on it. "I'm glad you thought to be safe...and think its nice that I made you even think about that" he said knowing that she had managed to go all these years before without it (if she only needed to ask now) .
"I'm glad you see what I was getting at" He said as she said at least partly he was right. He didnt know if his entire view on waiting was right or not, but privacy he thought should definitely be a factor, for at least their first time. He nodded again as she repeated his wording of a few. He hated that he shared that with Michelle, and that it wasn't just a one time mistake.
"If you believe that, that whatever I do is the best for you, than believe that when I stopped it was for your best interest" Nash said trying to convince her with her own words. Nash noticed that she didnt comment on the marriage part. He would have brought it up, to discuss and see what she thought, but he didnt want it leading to plans the way they were right now. He hoped that she'd be receptive when he did bring it up.
It tore at Nash that she had challenged his responsibility at her age after everything he had sacrificed these past few years to become the responsible adult Travis needed. He hated how angry he was with Dal, knowing his words would eat at him long after she'd forgotten them. "You don't think I've ever wanted to get out of the same country, the reservation I lived in my whole life? But you can't exactly skip town to travel with a newborn. I can't afford it, I can't even consider college..." He said his jaw dropping slightly as she said about how she was dumped on a reservation in the middle of nowhere. "Yeah, try having that nowhere be your home, sorry its not good enough for you" He said wondering if he was just holding her back, if she was more the big city girl afterall. "At least you have two parents you can try to create a relationship with" He said feeling the pain of his own parents death as it felt like she just threw that in his face. "I'd rather have only school work to worry about than everything else anytime"
"You shouldnt be honored...like you said, its nothing someone else hasn't already had" He told her, not as angry as before but realizing just how much of an issue Michelle still was.
Facing her on the bed was easier. It felt less hostile. Taking a risk he reached down and took her hand and held it in the space between them on the bed as he listened. Her other hand rubbed his arm and he felt comfort in the gesture. "I wont ever leave you either, and I'm not pushing you away, I wont"
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Post by Lyndal Chambers on Nov 18, 2009 23:33:28 GMT -5
It was a relief to joke with him, a break in the hostility of their fighting. She laughed, “Well maybe we can see how stubborn.” she tested and joked wondering just how stubborn and determined the wolf genes were to be passed on, part of her also wondered if Travis already carried them. The truth was there had been hope in her mind when she’d asked for the pill even to her brother’s dismay. “You made me think about it for the first time and more and more since.” She admitted.
Maybe it was for the best, maybe he was right, but Dal wasn’t going to admit that so instead she shrugged noncommittal. Passing over the marriage part wondering if that was even a real option and having no clue about the legality of the whole thing.
Trading the negatives of their life wasn’t exactly how Dal wanted the night to go, but it seemed to be a trend. She could see how her careless words had hurt him, but it wasn’t as if her life was all rosy either. “I know I had opportunity and I took it. I left.” she shrugged it wasn’t a big thing and in some ways she was running from the life she’d always had and the life ahead of her if she’d stay. “You can still do college, now I can help. I can help with Travis and if you want to travel we can do that.’ She offered wondering how it worked leaving the rez while he was a wolf.
Lyndal hadn’t meant to say or seem she’d been dumped on the rez, a place she actually liked though in truth she’d like anywhere Nash was. “I like it here. None of what I say is coming out right, I want to be here. I want to be wherever you are.” She said trying to back peddle her words. All her words were wrong, she’d completely forgotten the loss he’d suffered of his own parents. “Nash Im sorry that was thoughtless.” She said wanting to reach out to him, but knowing it wasn’t the right time. Then he glazed over her worries, she knew his were bigger but to her school was a big worry. “Fine then you pass my classes. You try to mix school, home and time with the person you love in with everything else. Its not easy, in fact its impossible. I know you have more to worry about, but School is pretty big to me and been here.” she said knowing the rules were a c average (which she didn’t have) in order to stay on the exchange program.
“I don’t care about all that, I’m yours and you’re mine now and that’s all that matters.” she said truthfully even thought the Michelle thing and him been with her still hurt.
Gripping his hand as he held her Lyndal felt calm wash over her, not as strong as usual but still there. Both admitting they wouldn’t leave the other was a relief to them both, Dal knew that and felt the relief in the situation. “Hold me? I promise I’ll not push it.” she said with a smile moving closer to his arms. “I don’t want to fight again, ever.” she said in a childish hope but truthful comment.
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