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Post by Edward Cullen on Jun 12, 2010 18:44:10 GMT -5
(Early Twilight)
Edward felt weak. Weaker than he had in a long time, and he felt ashamed for his weakness. Carlisle had told him he did the right thing by leaving if he felt that was the only way he could keep from killing. His father valued human life and was grateful that Edward had at least seen the potential for a problem and identified it before it became a tragedy. Edward was almost afraid now to hear his Carlisle's (and the rest of the family's) thoughts now that he was back from his time in Denali. Would they just be waiting for him to fail? He felt like a disappointment, even though he knew if the worst happened, it wouldn't be the first time any of their family had slipped and they needed to move quickly. However, Edward was also the person in their family who had been vegetarian the longest, after Carlisle. He had thought he had it pretty much mastered, with good control. He didn't think this type of thing would have been a problem...not til she came along.
The only person Edward really felt could identify with him and may not secretly judge him for his intense cravings and how close he was to slipping, was the one person in their family who every day was still struggling with that himself. Their newest vegetarian, and Edward's brother, Jasper. Sure, Emmett would try to joke with him until he forgot his worries, Esme would dote on him lovingly with support he felt he didnt deserve and Alice would be as positive as she could until she saw worse in her mind...but Jasper was the only one who currently was fighting as hard as Edward had to fight around Bella. Now that he was getting ready to go back to school the next day, Jasper was the only one Edward felt understood right now what he was going through..even if the lure for Jasper wasn't just one specific scent but the humans as a whole.
Edward was grateful to find Jasper alone in the room he shared with Alice. He had just gotten back that morning from Denali and hadn't had the chance for any long conversations with any of his family yet, having sought solitude with his thoughts upon arrival.
(Tag-Jasper)
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Jasper Hale
New to Town
Vegetarian Vampire
Jasper Hale
Posts: 11
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jun 13, 2010 15:57:18 GMT -5
Jasper heard Edward coming into the room. He turned around and looked at him. "You are suffering". It wasn't a question, Jasper felt it even before Edward could say anything. "Is there something I can do?" He asked. He looked at Edward, not sure about the feelings that came from him.
Jasper was glad that Alice wasn't around, his brother needed some talk, man to man. Brother to brother.
"Talk to me" He demanded.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jun 13, 2010 21:32:58 GMT -5
Edward wasn't surprised that Jasper could sense the pain he was in. It was his gift, and one like Edward's, that he was sure at times that his brother would wish he didn't have. It couldn't be easy to go around sensing everyone else's pain, having to deal with their emotions as well as your own. But Jasper managed it, like everything else, quite well.
He shook his head quietly as Jasper asked if there was something he could do. Sure he could ask his brother to change his emotions and make them calmer, or make him feel satisfied, but he knew it wouldn't last, and Edward was pretty sure even if Jasper was always there anytime he took in the scent of the Swan girl, that he'd still be moments away from draining her at any point. Jasper told him to talk to him, which was in reality the only thing Edward really needed right now.
"Do you think I made a mistake coming back? " Edward asked his brother. "I think I had just about forgotten til now just how hard it can be to resist human blood...but even before I've never wanted it so badly...I think you're the only one here who might get that"
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Jasper Hale
New to Town
Vegetarian Vampire
Jasper Hale
Posts: 11
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jun 14, 2010 15:25:48 GMT -5
Jasper looked at Edward. His thoughts were running. He knew Edward could hear them, but he also knew his brother well enough that he wanted to hear it out of his mouth. "I'm not sure" He said carefully. "I think you should follow your heart, its hard to resist the scent of human blood. I am fighting it for years. And its still hard for me."
Jasper walked towards Edward and put his hand on his arm. He felt Edward calming down a little. "I am happy you are back, but i think you should stay away from the girl." He said. "I think you are capable of resisting the scent, but why should you take any chances."
Jasper looked away from Edward, he felt the pain and the sadness Edward was suffering from. He knew he hurt him, with his last words. But Jasper was sure, it was for the best.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jun 19, 2010 22:36:41 GMT -5
Edward appreciated Jasper's honesty in his answer. While he would know if his brother had been lying, the other members of his family probably wouldn't have admitted that they had a doubt in any of his decisions (except perhaps Rosalie who usually thought Edward was doing the wrong thing, ever since he made the decision not to be with her). "I thought I was beyond needing to fight too hard to keep from the temptation...but I've never had anything smell that good before...have you ever encountered that? One scent that's stronger to you than anything else...that one person you know would taste so much sweeter..." Edward said, hating himself for even talking about a human life that way, but knowing with Jasper he could because Jasper felt the same cravings every day.
Edward felt a bit calmer feeling his brother's hand on his shoulder. While Jasper had the extra ability to calm and manipulate emotions, his presence alone was also calming to Edward. They were family. "I'm glad to be back home too" Edward said knowing it would have been difficult to live apart from the rest of his family, even if he was with the Denalis.
It was hard for Edward to hear that Jasper thought he needed to stay away from the girl, but he knew deep down, that he believed that to be the best thing himself. It was one of the reasons he originally left. "If I stay back here...I can't really avoid her. I already tried to transfer out of her biology class but it was impossible. I need to stop being so weak, learn how to stay in control...somehow"
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Jasper Hale
New to Town
Vegetarian Vampire
Jasper Hale
Posts: 11
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Post by Jasper Hale on Jul 3, 2010 14:22:09 GMT -5
"Well, it is possible to stay in control, it will take some time though. The best thing you can do, if you want to stay, is to face it." Jasper turned around and looked out of the window. "I know how hard it is, its a fight you can't win, but you have to deal with it." Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "If you want, i can stay around, when you are near the girl, protect you, and make you think of something else." Jasper did know the feeling of temptation. He suffered from it, every day again. He learned to cope with it, even though it's hard sometimes.
"You are doing great so far. You are not weak for being thirsty, its normal for us. But you really have to deal with it, if you want to be around."
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jul 7, 2010 17:45:58 GMT -5
"Thank you" Edward told Jasper, not sure he quite deserved any of his brothers praise for what he was doing. He hadn't killed the girl yet, but it was hard not to see it as an inevitability if he stayed. However if it were, he hoped he would have seen it in Alice's visions already. The fact that he hadn't meant at least it wasn't hopeless.
"I have to face it...I tried running away, but that didn't work out. I have to try to face it, to learn how to deal with it" Edward said smiling lightly at his brother's offer to be around when he was near Bella. "As much as that might help I'm not sure it'll always be possible to predict. I can't even get in her head to see what she's thinking to know what she'll do or where she'll be...the only thing I can think of is frequent hunting trips to try to counter the thirst"
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Jasper Hale
New to Town
Vegetarian Vampire
Jasper Hale
Posts: 11
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Post by Jasper Hale on Aug 14, 2010 16:50:08 GMT -5
"We should go hunting before you go back to school. and I'll be by your side then." I know I wasn't able to be with Edward all the time, only during lunch. But i know it must be hard for him during class, when he is sitting next to her. I can only hope that Alice sees it before something happens so we can be prepared. For now, the only thing we can do is make sure that Edward isn't that thirsty when he has to face the girl. "Let's go hunting tonight. so you be ready to go to school again tomorrow" I say.
Fighting the thirst is bearable when you ain't that thirsty, even though i am thirsty all the time. Animal blood isn't the same as human blood, and I'm fighting it every day.
"There will be a time, that you are capable of being around her. but it takes time and since i know you very well, i am sure you will manage to do it."
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Post by Edward Cullen on Aug 20, 2010 11:22:18 GMT -5
((OOC: Just a reminder, posting should be done in third person not first, ex. He said, not I said, thanks!))
"I might be hunting every day for awhile...I just can't risk needing to feed when I'm around her...I had waited too long on the day she started school. Which was fine for any of the other students, annoying at times yes, but none I'd bother to kill, even if I was hungry...but that scent almost caused a massacre" Edward said, knowing Jasper was probably the only family member who he could really discuss these thoughts with openly without that shame because he understood. "Thank you for being there" He said grateful he had someone who would hunt with him so he didnt have to go it alone
"I hope that if something is going to happen Alice sees it in time...enough for one of you to get to me and stop me." Edward said honestly, knowing he might need his family's interference. He didnt want to put any of them at risk of being exposed here and needing to move. "We should go hunting tonight, maybe before dawn so its close to the start of school"
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