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Post by Edward Cullen on Dec 14, 2008 0:16:29 GMT -5
Edward could picture the chaos in the hospital the night his mother had asked Carlisle to do this to him. He knew there had been other doctors attending to her as well, but Carlisle was right, she had asked him. Edward wondered if she hda tried asking the same of other doctors, but he had a feeling that he didnt. When he heard his mother's voice asking the blond haired doctor for help, there was something in it that made it seem like more than just a blanket plea for help.
"She knew you were different" Edward concluded. "You saved my life..." He said still trying to come to terms with how he felt about that. He was still alive, but in what form. What of the Edward Masen that he knew was left inside of him.
As the doctor spoke of Edward's mother's selfless desires for her son's life and happiness he looked down at her rings thinking of her. He fought to keep himself from breaking down as he thought about his loss and how much the mother he loved had loved him. He knew his mother had dreams for him. He could remember her telling him with a smile about how she couldn't wait until he gave her grandchildren, and how she'd constantly teach him on the proper ways to interact with a lady, to treat one the way they should be treated. "How am I supposed to find any of that now? Do I just kill until a crowd of people hunts me down and puts a stake through my heart?"
Edward tried to understand what Carlisle was telling him about being different from the other vampires, and using the gifts he had to help the human race instead of hurt them. "And what if I'm like all the rest of our race. From the little I know of what you've told me the odds seem stacked that way" He hesitated a moment, thinking more about what he had just heard. "And you have fed on human blood...you took mine when you did this to me"
Dr. Cullen seemed so willing to accept him, despite just finishing saying how unaccpeting their race could be. If he didn't know better he'd question whether the doctor really was a demonic creature.
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Dec 14, 2008 18:25:57 GMT -5
Carlisle carefully scrutinised Edward’s expression as he worked through the problems and issues of becoming a monster. Although he had thought that he had prepared well for Edward’s change, both mentally and physically, it had been so long since Carlisle had felt that overwhelming disgust of his nature that his empathy was ever so slightly incomplete. It was all coming back though. He twitched uncomfortably as he fought the urge to put his hand on Edward’s shoulder. He could hardly bear to watch him fight with this new life at the same time as dealing with the loss of his family, but Carlisle didn’t want to scare the boy away by being over affectionate.
“Edward, we can still live life,” he reiterated at the newborn’s agitated question. It was a belief that he had to hold on to, even though he hadn’t experienced love or even true companionship up to that point in his life. He had to believe that this wasn’t their hell, though, it couldn’t be. “Others of our kind have found romance, and from all accounts it is at least an intense as human love, even more long-lasting. And there are ways to create familial love…”
He trailed off, giving away with his thoughts that the only way he knew was by transforming a human. He knew that vampires couldn’t have children, he knew that they were, for all intents and purposes, frozen in time, their bodies did not cycle through fertility like human bodies. He had no idea that vampire/human hybrids were possible, it hadn’t crossed his mind.
“And a stake through the heart… That’s a myth. There are a lot of myths about us,” he couldn’t help but allow a ghost of a smile to show on his lips as he considered the scene of someone ’staking’ a vampire. It seemed ridiculous now, but that’s what he had been trying to do all those years ago - to kill the vampires with wooden stakes and holy water and fire. Now he knew that only the one method would have worked. “We’re more or less indestructible, believe me, I’ve tested it. Our bodies are made of some ultra-resilient substance, like quartz or diamond, which renders human weapons useless on it.”
He left it there, not wanting to go into much detail of ending a vampires life so soon into the beginning of Edward’s. He remembered his strong desire to die when he had just realised his nature, he remembered his desperate attempts at suicide and he didn’t want Edward to go the same way. His thoughts were distracted, however, by Edward’s next questions.
“The odds are stacked against resisting human blood,” he told him, truthfully. “You can’t be around humans for a long time before the urge is at a stage where it can be controlled. It’s difficult, but it can be done - it’s a choice. A choice that only you have the power to make. I suppose I should have qualified what I said before - in order to instigate your transformation I had to bite you, but a vampire’s teeth are coated with the venom that causes the change. I did have to break your skin, but I didn’t ingest it to feed. I have never caused the death of any human. It‘s the best I can offer.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Dec 15, 2008 22:56:12 GMT -5
Edward had started pacing, a human trait that he continued out of habit. He was frustrated. If Carlisle hadn't been so calm and prepared for his questions, Edward knew he would have have let his emotions explode by now. As it was they seemed to be boiling on the brim, ready to overflow at a moments notice. He had never felt so out of control over himself as he had now. And now was when he knew he needed this control the most.
"Life?" Edward said, spitting out the word with disgust. He didn't see how he had any life anymore. "My heart isn't beating. I could hear the heartbeat of those animals...but I can't hear my own, or feel it. I have no life..and love? What is there left of me to love or be loved?"
He heard Carlisle say how the only way he knew to do this was by transforming a human. Or at least he thought he heard him say this and not think it, so responded in turn. "You created me to be your family...is that what we are now? " The idea caused a sudden sense of rage in Edward, his hands clenching at his sides and speaking now through gritted teeth. "My family is dead...you let them die!"
Edward tried to focus on the doctors next explaination, knowing he needed to learn what he could from this man, the only other person he knew who was now the same being as he was. He spoke of myths. "More or Less indestructable? What can hurt us? The sun?"
"A choice?" Edward repeated his words again as he spoke of resisting human blood. "It doesn't feel like a choice...the deer didn't seem like enough" He told him honestly. He then tried to understand the transformation process that Carlisle was explaining to him. While he could understand the words that the doctor told him of not ingesting his blood to feed, but that it was rather to save his life, the images of Carlisle biting him were prominent in his mind. He vividly remembered the pain it had caused.
Edward couldn't control himself, all that he could see before his eyes was the vampire who had inflicted wounds upon him. Without even looking down at his skin he could feel the scars that had been left behind . He jumped forward towards the doctor with a growl, snapping his teeth at him as he attempted to grab a hold of the blond haired vampire. "Do you know what that felt like!" He yelled. "Maybe I should do some experimenting, see if my venom can still hurt you, get my own answers that way"
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Dec 17, 2008 20:14:56 GMT -5
Carlisle worked hard to keep his brow smoothed as Edward voiced so many of the doubts and fears that he had as a newborn and beyond. He wasn’t entirely sure what hope they had, but he believed that there was hope. They had an eternity to find out the answers to these questions, they had been given an eternity, so he had to believe that there were answers to find at the end of it all. He certainly still felt like he had a soul, and he knew that if he had a soul then someone would fall in love with. Maybe not any time soon, but it would happen. They just needed to be patient, and Carlisle was good at nothing if not being patient. However, he could see the agitation in Edward’s muscles, the frantic pacing as the information overloaded him. He didn’t want to push him too far by arguing points that could not be proven. Carlisle held out the palm of his hand, trying to calm him.
“There’s everything there to love, still, Edward,” he said quietly, though he would not push it any further. He could not help letting his eyes widen a little at Edward’s accusations that he, Carlisle, was trying to replace his family. He wasn’t! Well, maybe one day they could become companionable enough to consider each other in that manner, but not yet.
And he certainly did not just let them die. In a lot of ways disease was very difficult for Carlisle to handle, much more so than physical injuries, despite the lack of blood involved with them. The problem was that disease left very little room for his enhanced vampiric abilities to help his patients. At least he could sniff out internal bleeding a mile away and he could suture wounds closed with his eyes shut. His eyes steeled slightly as he tried to stop himself from appearing sad, though he knew that his thoughts would give him away. He tried to allow the vampire’s next question shake the thoughts of inadequateness. He shook his head a little.
“No, the sun doesn’t hurt us, though it does pose a slight problem,” he paused a moment. “You remember I told you that we’re made from a sort of hard quartz or diamond-like material? Well, we also glitter in the same way they do. It can be a little… striking and unusual the first time you see it.”
He nodded again as Edward referenced a choice, this time more with sympathy and understanding rather than straight agreement. His thoughts backed up his words with full sincerity of understanding. “It doesn’t feel like it at first. It did take me a long time to realise it myself,” his thoughts began to reflect the desperation of his time as a newborn. “I’m really trying to give you a grasp of what we are that took me years to figure out, but it’s what I owe you. “The deer are one of the least filling types of game we can hunt, but they were the easiest to pen up. Often larger game is more satisfying, but it is still the more difficult option. Which is why you don’t find many of us living this lifestyle…”
Carlisle’s head slammed upwards as he saw the tiniest of movements that proved to be a ’tell’ of Edward’s attack, though the newborn was incredibly quick. He danced out of the way of the attack, though the younger vampire did manage to make pretty solid contact with the doctor’s arm. Before he knew it one of the large stakes that penned in the deer broke clean in two and went whizzing towards the house, making a thunderous clatter as it made contact with the wall. Carlisle automatically repositioned himself into a slight crouch, ready to move and adapt to the untaught offensive moves of the new vampire at a moments notice. He held his palms out once more, showing Edward that he wasn’t going to fight, his expression now one of penitence.
“I do, Edward,” he spoke urgently and with vim in both voice and mind. “The only way I could be sure that the transformation would take place was to recreate the horrific wounds that I received all those years ago. I realise that it was too much now, but I had to be sure. I’m willing to give you any answers I can Edward, there’s no need for this.”
Carlisle did so hate confrontation of this variety.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Dec 18, 2008 14:15:28 GMT -5
Edward could hear the hurt in the words, or rather thoughts, that he heard emmitting from the doctor. He had seemed to be sincere in everything he was telling Edward, yet the young newborn was still having difficulty. It was as though he needed someone to blame for everything that had gone wrong with him and his family. Edward would have been dead had it not been for Carlisle, and he understood that, but he still wasn't sure if this was better than death. "What you made me is not a creature to be loved" He said, feeling repulsed by himself.
Edward shook his head as Carlisle added about the appearance of their skin in the sun. Glittering? It seemed like something out of a fairy tale book, it was so unreal. He wondered briefly if he was hallucinating all of this, that he was still on his deathbed struck with fever, but he knew his senses were more aware than they ever had been before, he couldn't be asleep.
After Edward's failed attempt at an attack he saw turned around to face the doctor. He saw him crouched but was surprised he was not retaliating. Edward would have fought back. He only had needed to get upset before he was filled with enough rage to attack. How was the doctor not doing the same. Edward crouched down ready to lunge again, not satisfied.
"I felt like I was burning alive! The pain was worse than anything I ever imagined death could bring. I was to the point of wishing for death, and I wasn't even strong enough to move to do anything about it. You should have just let me die" Edward spat out as he lunged foward again, not able to restrain the feelings he was experiencing. And right now his strongest feeling was wanting to inflict the same pain he had felt.
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Dec 23, 2008 20:10:26 GMT -5
Carlisle pressed his lips together and exhaled through his nose at Edward’s comment, desperately not wanting the boy to feel the deep repulsion and desolation at becoming a vampire. Had be really been so naïve to think that just because he was there to explain anything, that it would make the transformation any easier? He didn’t regret turning the boy, per se, it was his final choice, but he did regret that he couldn’t somehow make this easier. He was doing all he could, though, he couldn’t give any more. Carlisle just hoped that Edward could see that plainly in his mind. He swallowed, needlessly, other than to stall, to give himself time to compose himself.
“It may not seem so just now,” he said, at last, in a gentle tone. “But we can rise above what we are - nothing forces us to be a monster. Just as humans have evolved to eat meat, they can make the choice to become a vegetarian. As can we, in a manner of speaking.”
Carlisle continued to scrutinise the newborn’s smallest actions after he had evaded one attack, he needed to make sure that he wasn’t outwitted and overpowered by the stronger vampire. He continued to hold his hands out, plainly not planning an attack, but ready to defend himself should the occasion arise. As Edward crouched down once more, Carlisle’s muscles stiffened, each tendon and ligament ready to push him in any direction at a split second’s notice. He did not enjoy the thought of a stand up fight with the one that he had hoped to become his companion, but he understood the erratic nature of newborn emotions - there may not be another option.
“I kno-” his thoughts carried on the understanding he was about to voice before Edward lunged forward in another attack. This time Carlisle attempted to jump out of the way, but Edward was quicker than he had assumed - quicker than he had thought possible. Edward’s attack clipped Carlisle in flight and sent him whizzing towards the sturdy wood shed lying to the side of the property. He made contact with the corner of the shed, his back crumpling the strong wood as if it was straw, and dropped to the ground, just about managing to regain his feet before hitting it. The entire structure gave a terrific grumble as its foundations were strained beyond their capabilities and Carlisle jogged out of the way before the whole structure collapsed. Aside from a few hairs out of place and the ruin of his clothes, the doctor showed no ill effect from the hit.
He took one step towards the other vampire, again maintaining the neutral, open-handed posture and the smooth expression. “Edward, I know that you must feel incredibly upset, frustrated… that’s part of being a newborn vampire,” his brow puckered slightly. “It will calm down. You will feel more in control.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jan 4, 2009 0:07:22 GMT -5
Edward shook his head not understanding how the doctor was telling him that he could rise above what he was to become a vegetarian. How was it possible that he could stop being a killer. He had just destroyed those innocent animals, not even thinking twice before draining them of their blood and all the while he had wished it had been a human. It didn't seem to be a desire that could be easily suppressed. "Maybe you were able, but I can't think of anything else"
When Edward lunged at Carlisle again in rage, his first instinct was to go for the throat. He wanted to tear it out, to try to make this vampire feel the pain that had had caused him, to make him feel like he was burned alive. Before Edward's teeth could reach him, Edward had knocked him into a wooden structure behind them. Edward rolled off to the side, quickly jumping back up to his feet, his reflexes extraordinarily precise.
"It control! I feel anything but in control!" Edward yelled at the other man, thinking over all the things that had been out of his control lately. The illnesses that overtook his mother and him, the death of his parents, his changing into this creature of darkness, and now all of the emotions that were out of his control. Edward was overcome with another emotion that outweighed his rage. Despair. He knew he was alone, he was an orphan, and he was something that he didnt understand. The only person he'd want to turn to in a crisis like this, his mother, was dead. Edward leaned forward as he let out a tearless sob, not knowing if it was even possible for him to cry anymore. "I should be dead too..."
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Jan 6, 2009 16:25:25 GMT -5
“It is difficult,” Carlisle responded to the young vampire. He wouldn’t lie to him about that, it would only take him a few minutes to find out if he did try to say it was easy. He shifted a little, though his brow remained a steady source of calm. “But anything I can do, you can do just as well. You don’t want to be a monster, if that is really your will then I’m offering you a way to avoid it. It seems impossible at first, but this is your first craving, it‘ll dull.”
Sadly he knew that it wouldn’t dull enough to make the lifestyle easy, but he didn’t want to dissuade the boy. He found himself desperately wanting him to stay, at least a for a while. He had known he was lonely, but he hadn’t realised how much so until he had stood before this boy that he had created to be like him. He didn’t know what he would do if it turned out that the boy was right, that he couldn’t adapt to the vegetarian way. What if it was just him?
Pulling as his jacket, which had gone very awry thanks to his recent impromptu flight, Carlisle carefully kept an eyes on Edward for any further reactions. He didn’t so much mind being thrown around like a rag doll, it didn’t hurt, but he needed to know that his point was getting through. He saw how precise and elegant the boy was, his quickness. He could be devastating if he chose to be, or he could be great. Carlisle hoped he made the right decision. His expression twisted into an empathic sympathy at Edward’s distress, but he knew that he couldn’t make that any better yet. He couldn’t approach the boy and offer him comfort, it would probably make him feel threatened, and yet he found it difficult to be a cool observer of his distress.
“I can only offer my help,” Carlisle said, his voice thick with sincerity, trying to avoid Edward’s reasoning that he should be dead. It hurt him to think that the boy would prefer death, that he had made the wrong decision for him in his hour of need - it wasn’t something he could go back on now. The guilt that surged under the surface never reached his face, but Carlisle was now almost certain that Edward would be able to glimpse it from his mind. “I would be completely at your disposal, to help you understand… to help you cope.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jan 27, 2009 0:03:27 GMT -5
"I dont want to be a monster...but I dont think I'm as strong as you are. Nothing is dulling. Nothing feels like it will ever go away. All I can think about is wanting to drink more, and something more fulfilling." Edward said, his voice pained at the realization of the dark thoughts he was having and that they may never go away.
As Edward watched Carlisle straighten his coat he started to feel guilty for what he had done, trying to attack this man who didn't even fight him off. He knew he had good intentions. Edward slid down to a seated position on the ground, his knees bent with his feet flat on the ground in front of him. He was done trying to attack the doctor. At least for now, until the next time he focused on the pain of her previous three days. "I'm sorry" He spoke softly, averting his eyes uncomfortably.
Edward took several deep breaths trying to calm his sobs after realizing they produced no tears. It was very unfulfilling to cry as a vampire. There appeared to be no relief from the action, eventually he got himself together enough to talk again, and hear out the man in front of him.
As he listened he heard the questioning that went on inside of Carlisle's mind (though not knowing that hadn't been a continuatoin of his speech). Edward couldn't understand if it was guilt or if he was regretting his decision. "Do you think you made the wrong choice?" He asked him, wondering if the doctor agreed with his previous statement that he should be dead. Edward looked foward at the ground as he heard the offer to help. He knew it was what he needed but didn't know if he was really ready to accept help. He still felt so out of control, he didn't know what to think.
"I..." Edward started, struggling with the words, fearing he wouldnt be able to accept help if given to him. "I need help...I need someone" He said in desperation, feeling alone.
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Feb 1, 2009 21:01:59 GMT -5
“It doesn’t,” Carlisle told the boy, affected by the pain in his voice. It may have been a long time since his own transformation, but his vampiric memory allowed him to recall it like it was yesterday. He remembered the feeling of helplessness and, in a moment of carelessness, he allowed a glimpse of his reaction to this hopelessness to slip through his thoughts. Just vague images of the uselessness of hanging, the snapping of swords and even the fall from the cliffs as he finally made his escape from England, into the Channel. He glanced towards Edward, instantly realising what he had done. “I doesn’t feel like it’ll ever get better for quite some time, but it does eventually. I promise. I’ve found a way to come to terms with what we are and a way to function within society. It’s natural for all your thoughts to be consumed by blood at the moment – for the next few months.”
He paused, allowing the new information, the addition of some kind of time frame, to sink in. “Even given time the thirst doesn’t go away completely, I won’t lie to you there, but it does fade. Right now I’m a doctor; I work in a hospital, around human blood all the time and I can cope. It’s not easy and it took me a very long time to build up that kind of tolerance, but it proves it’s possible and anything I can do, you will be able to do too. You just need to find the will to do so.”
His eyes slid down, following Edward’s form as he sunk to the ground, looking utterly defeated. In an effort not to intimidate the newborn, he also sank down, though instead of sitting, he remained in a low crouch, his balance perfect with no chance of failing. His now ragged coat tails hung on the floor around his feet and he rested his hands on his thighs. He extended Edward an understanding look, his head tilting ever so slightly to one side, a lock of blond hair falling down in front of his face. “Your actions are perfectly understandable, Edward.”
Falling silent, he allowed the boy a few minutes to sob at his fate, patiently waiting for him to calm, without rushing him – he had all the time in the world, after all. However, when the boy did eventually speak, Carlisle shook his head firmly.
“Of course not,” he told him. “I tend to be very sure of my decisions before I make them. This I have never done before, and so I question what may happen, because there is nothing I can draw this experience from – which is unusual for me these days. However, I have absolutely not one regret in making you as I am. You have great character, Edward. I’m not sure how much you remember of your illness, but your behaviour even when fevered was commendable. If anyone can make something of himself as a vampire, it is you, even if you don’t realise it yet. You even have ability stronger than I have ever seen in another vampire – you read minds. My thoughts were merely looking over the possibilities for your future; I still welcome you to my way of life with total confidence that you will do yourself proud.”
He grew quiet, moved by Edward’s plea for help. He knew it must be difficult for him to admit such a thing, the era was not fond of relying on others, but for standing up on your own two feet and making something of yourself. Without raising himself up to his full height, Carlisle approached the newborn tentatively, his hand outstretched to show that he meant no harm.
“And I will be that person, if you will allow me.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Feb 24, 2009 12:07:04 GMT -5
Edward's eyes widened in shock and horror as he saw the brief blurs of images that went through Carlisle's mind. It appeared as though they were indestructable. Was this man sending Edward these images somehow? Trying to teach him more about what he was? Was it a warning perhaps for Edward to not bother attacking again because it was obvious that the blond haired man could not be killed? "Why are you showing me this? " He asked quietly voicing his confusion as the images suddenly stopped as if the man hadn't intended them to be seen at all.
"Months? Months like this?" Edward said feeling discouraged that this wasn't something that would go away as quickly as his transformation had occured. He didn't know how he'd possibly cope with this thirst raging through him. But hearing how Carlisle had found a way gave him some slight hope. "How can you stand to work in a hospital around blood? I wouldn't even be able to handle being around a bleeding goat"
Edward continued staring forward at the floor as he tried to come to terms with what he was and everything he was being told. He shook his head when Carlisle tried to tell him he understood his actions. "They're not...not for me...this isn't how I normall am...my mother would be so ashamed"
Edward looked back up at the doctor as he assured him with such confidence that he didn't regret what he had done. It comforted Edward to know that he hadn't wished that he'd never tried to save him. While Edward himself wasn't sure he was glad to have been saved yet, with this as his current fate, knowing that their was no regret in the doctor helped to ease his pain.
"Read minds?" Edward repeated confused, starting to put the pieces together now of the strange occurences since he had awoken. "I thought you were doing that...you can't hear my thoughts as well? What does that mean?" He asked not sure he wanted extra abilities and to know the thougts of those around him.
Edward looked up as the doctor rose to his feet and approached him, offering to be the person that Edward needed. His life as he had known it was over. Everyone that mattered to him was dead to. And for all that it mattered, Edward Masen was dead too. He didnt have a family to go back to, or a home, and his life would never be as it was. He had to start over and try to find some peace with the man who had saved him from death. Edward stood up and nodded. "I will try...thank you"
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Mar 11, 2009 19:31:44 GMT -5
(OOC: Okay, so the end has ended up sounding a bit... friendly... but whatever ) Carlisle shook his head a little, instantly regretting his lack of mental control at that moment when he allowed his own life to cloud what he was doing there and then. The images had clearly hurt the newborn vampire, and had not been productive to helping him in the least – he would really have to learn to control himself better – even Aro had not been able to glean thoughts at a distance. He frowned a little, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I let myself wonder for a moment, it won’t happen again.”
He drew himself back in, hearing something bordering on dismay in Edward’s voice, which he tried to counteract with his usual calm confidence, but that wasn’t enough for a newborn. He’d never wished more to have had an extra experience in his life just so that he could nurse the newborn through this stage of his existence without all this unnecessary pain. Wasn’t it enough that he had misguidedly put the poor boy through all the physical agony? Did he have to blunder his way through the theory as well? Hopefully not, he only hoped that Edward would forgive him for any ills he wrongly committed when he could see more clearly.
“Unfortunately, that is correct. The change is a big thing to get used to, both physically and mentally, it can’t be taken lightly, nor should it be,” he paused, consciously thinking again of his time at the hospital, though leaving out anything that involved blood. He attempted to show through his memories that he could stand being around it, and not only that, but that it didn’t affect him even a fraction as much as the thirst was attacking Edward just now. He met eyes with the young vampire. “Like I said, it took me decades of study and then practice, just lots of practice, desensitising myself to the scent. I couldn’t just jump right in, but if you have the inclination, then anything’s possible.”
Carlisle’s expression grew serious and sympathetic as the newborn denied that who he was now was him. It was true, he supposed, to a very slight extent – new abilities and senses and desires, but still, the core of the being within was still the Edward Masen that had lain in his hospital bed still trying to nurse his mother while dying himself. It had been this admirable trait as well as his mother’s desperate pleas that had swayed Carlisle into thinking that he was strong enough to withstand the transformation, and even though the newborn seemed as unsure as he possibly could be, Carlisle was still confident that he would make it out of this confusion intact. “You’re still the same man, just with extra… abilities that you can’t quite grasp yet. Like everything, you need time to get used to what you’ve become now, to become accustomed to this new existence. Your mother had faith that you could survive through anything with a little help, as far as I can see, and I am just as confident that you will be exactly the man you wish to be once you have reached the point where you can understand yourself better. I don’t think Mrs. Masen could possibly ever be ashamed of you, Edward, you were her first and final thoughts.”
Wishing that he had the answer to this fresh facet of confusion that had overcome newborn, but he quite simply didn’t have an answer. He, of course, knew about special abilities, and he could make some theories based on observation and educated guesswork, but he didn’t want to lie to Edward. Not with such a tenacious grasp on his trust. “I have to say that such extra abilities are not usual among our kind, and one so strong as yours seems to be makes you quite special actually. I have nothing that I can equate to it personally, but I have known others with extra strengths and skills. As far as I can see, you are able to read a person’s current thoughts – a vampire’s, at any rate. It could be different for humans. I’m not really entirely sure what it means at the moment, but I assure you that it is nothing to worry about.”
A smile spread across Carlisle’s lips as Edward rose and nodded, a genuine joy spreading through him. A warming force moved him as his hopes of having a companion through this existence, someone he could share eternity with – if he so chose – seemed to be fulfilled. For a moment the sense of loneliness that he had felt since just before he had left Italy, filled his thoughts as he wondered if this would be an end to it. Of course he knew that vampires tended to only last in each others’ company as mates, but he could at least set this admirable young man on his way. “That is good to hear.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Apr 7, 2009 12:29:48 GMT -5
Edward shook his head as the doctor apologized for letting his mind wander and told him he wouldn’t let it happen again. He didn’t want this man, his sole resource for information about who and what he was now, to start hiding things from him. Edward tried to listen harder, wondering if he could break through whatever barrier the doctor was putting up to prevent himself from thinking those things. “No…I want to know…is that all true? Is there really no way to end this all?” he said with a bit of despair to his voice.
Edward looked down defeated as Carlisle confirmed that it would take time to get physically and mentally used to the changes he had just undergone. He could see the memories that Carlisle was showing him, but he wondered if it was all just a trick or if it was true. He remembered Dr. Cullen taking good care of himself and his family as they were sick, and wanted to believe him now. “I don’t think I have the strength to go through decades of practice. I couldn’t even control myself from fighting you when I got the urge. How am I supposed to fight this? I don’t want to be locked away alone…” He said having gleamed that bit of information from Carlisle’s memories.
As Carlisle went on to try to convince him that he was the same man, Edward wondered how that was even possible. He didn’t feel the same, or think the same, and his desires were focused only on blood which sickened him. Edward wished for a moment that his mindreading ability had come earlier that he could have known exactly how his mother had felt about this before she had passed away. If she saw him now, savagely drinking the blood of animals and with the urge to find human prey, would she be disgusted and lose all faith in him? Or would she still think he was strong enough to fight it and become like the man in front of him. “How can I do this without her…” He said quietly, more to himself than expecting a real answer as the doctor revealed that he was his mother’s final thoughts. “Do you really think I can get to a point where I have such control that I can act like I used to, and just resume life as normal?”
Edward listened carefully to Carlisle’s explanations about extra abilities, and how they were not uncommon amongst vampires. “Maybe it means that there’s something wrong with me…right now its only your voice I hear, but if I’m hearing everyone’s thoughts, I might go crazy” he said honestly believing that there was a chance he had already gone insane in believing that he was a vampire now. “Maybe you’re wrong, your ability could be being able to refrain from human blood…maybe its not a trait that can be taught or learned” He said feeling doubt in himself and his abilities.
Edward watched as Carlisle smiled with joy at Edward’s response. He felt as though he had caused the man nothing but trouble up until this point and he wondered where he got the patience to offer his help for the next few months, knowing he’d be in the same frame of mind. “Thank you Doctor Cullen”
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Post by Carlisle Cullen on Jun 4, 2009 18:50:59 GMT -5
{Eep! It's so long! Sorry!}
Carlisle’s calm eyes rested on Edward’s features as he asked to be put completely in the loop and he tried to assess just what his next course of action should be. He, of course, knew that he shouldn’t – and wouldn’t – lie to the boy and only disclose some of the facts of their existence, but, on the other hand, he also wasn’t sure that total disclosure was the right thing to do at this early stage. He was not, at this stage, skilled at blocking his thoughts from mind-reading vampires as his only experience of them was Aro, who needed contact and was irrepressible anyway. It also wasn’t as though he wanted to keep secrets from the newborn, he just wanted to make sure that he was prepared for what he was about to find out.
“Are you certain you want to know?” he asked, finally, empathy in his voice and his expression. He nodded his head a little, more a small bow than anything else as he allowed his mind to backtrack over his painful, earliest years. “It is all true, everything I thought before. You have to understand, though, that I… was somewhat of an oddity for our kind. My first thought was to distance myself from the humans that surrounded me, but even as I did so I realised that the thirst for their blood would not fade. I knew that it would be my plight to grow ever weaker without end – for we cannot die of thirst, or hunger – and I did not know at this point that it was possible to survive off animal blood… It’s not something that comes naturally to our kind.
“So I ran. England – my home – was much more rural than it is now, so it was easy for me to find a hiding place away from civilisation, but I couldn’t deal with what I had become. We had known of vampires, in the parish when I was human, but now that I was one I realised that we knew their name, nothing else. And so, yes, I was driven to try to seek an end. Falling from a great height doesn’t blemish our granite skin, we are tougher than any rock; suffocation is ineffectual as we don’t need to draw breath for anything other than to talk and out of sheer habit; there is no steel or metal strong or sharp enough to harm us, only vampire and werewolf teeth can break our skin; we need blood for energy, but not for life and, finally, we do not age – we are impervious to the ravages of time.”
He paused, finally, his mind suddenly blanking out from the images of his life that accompanied his verbal story. He focused on Edward, sincerely hoping not to have spooked him too much, though it was an awful lot to take in, especially with newborn emotions scurrying through him. “There are ways for us to end it, though,” he added, his voice softer now. By the time he had found this out he had already discovered the Volturi and had begun his studies of physical medicine. “To kill a vampire they must be dismembered and the parts burned – it’s the only way to be sure. But, by the time this became clear to me I had already discovered that our natures did not dictate our actions. I knew I could now drink animal blood and that, with great resolve and a built up tolerance, it was possible to work in proximity to humans, maybe not as one of them, but for them.”
As Edward voiced his doubts at having enough strength to fight his natural, vampiric urges, Carlisle cast him a confident smile, his golden eyes kind. “Edward, you have more than enough strength inside of you to do this,” he told the newborn, his voice thick with sincerity as he cast his mind back to the hospital. “I could see it in you as a human. The level of fever that you displayed, you should have been comatose, but your will to take care of your loved one won out over the inevitability of disease. You are strong, Edward, you just need to find the will inside yourself to drive yourself. At the moment it will feel difficult – almost impossible – and you’ve seen how I handled it, but newborn emotions are rapid and unstable, they get better, and the other major difference is that you will not be alone to go through this. If you will allow me the honour of helping you through this, then I will do everything I can to make it easier for you.”
Casting his eyes down a little out of respect for the newborn’s deceased human mother, Carlisle honoured the quiet comment. He wouldn’t even pretend to be able to take the place of one so dear to the boy, though he did hope that he would one day earn enough trust to be considered a true friend. Considering Edward’s question about resuming a normal life, the blond vampire paused, raising his light coloured eyes back up to him.
“I won’t lie to you,” he said, his tone warm and his mind transparently honest. “Things won’t be exactly the same as when you were human, I am afraid – even with a great level of resistance. You’ll be able to conduct yourself and interact with humans, but I have found it wise to stay somewhat on the outside. One thing that we can’t risk is exposure of our species, for obvious reasons. Our skin, to humans, is ice cold and hard to touch, and they are naturally made uncomfortable by our presence. Yes, we can pursue a quasi-normal life in which we can go about every day business, but I am afraid that it won’t be a continuation of your prior existence.”
Chuckling lightly in an attempt to dissipate some more of the doubts that had begun to flood his young charge’s mind, the doctor shook his head and looked at Edward, full of surety. “Your abilities, I believe, are manifested out of already present characteristics from when you were human. You would not have the ability to read minds if you yourself did not have the mind to process and handle the information it received. I am sure that you will find, as with anything, that it will take some practice,” holding out his hand as if to hold back Edward’s onslaught of doubts, he cast the young vampire an empathic look. “There are others of us that have begun a way of life similar to myself, in the north, and some of them have other talents in addition, so I am confident that the trait may be learned if the will is there to do so.”
The smile unerring on the doctor’s lips, he extended one hand towards the newborn, slightly tentative, but eager to seal this new phase in their relationship. “You’re quite welcome, Edward. And please… call me ‘Carlisle’.”
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Post by Edward Cullen on Sept 17, 2009 22:14:48 GMT -5
As Edward asked the man in front of him for honesty, Edward wondered if he'd be able to tell if he were lying to him, or if the thoughts could lie as well as words could. It was true that people lied to themselves all the time. But Edward had no place else to turn than Dr. Cullen, he was his only home to learn anything. "I think I need to know everything" He responded as he questioned if he really wanted to know.
Edward listened attentively to Carlisle's story of what had happened when he was first turned and how he didnt know then what he knew now. He explained the details of the ways that would not kill them. While invulnerability to a human might seem amazing, to Edward, each method that failed for Carlisle tore at him a little more, not sure he could continue to exist like this. He then finally mentioned two ways they could be harmed, vampire and werewolf teeth. The idea that werewolves existed in this world as well he knew shouldnt suprise him, not with what he was. He did manage to give a slight wince at the thought of dismemberment and burning the parts. It seemed like an awful way to go. "When you finally found this out...what made you stop from continuing to want to end it..." Edward hated what he was and wondered if he'd ever stop feeling that way.
Edward shook his head as he spoke of having discovered that it was possible to work in close porximity to humans. "Its possible for you, it doesnt mean it is for me" He said not sure he could fight the urges. It was the only thing on his mind. He listened to Dr. Cullen speak of his strength even as a human and his faith that he could do this. Even with Edwards resistance and fighting him, the doctor was still offering his help. "The honor of keeping me from self destructing?" He said wondering how anyone could want that job. "I dont know if I am strong enough, but I'm not if I'm on my own, I know that"
Edward was confused by the doctors description of needing to stay somewhat on the outside. He had been practicing medicine on Edward's family, that didnt seem like keeping his distance from humans. "So how does that work, we can walk amongst them but not talk or touch them? Lock ourselves in coffins at night? You seem to be one of them...I had no idea before..." He told him, though he had been too sick to really take much notice of the doctor in his human life. The fever had made his memories of his hospital stay rather foggy.
Edward's eyes widened in surprise as the doctor explained about others in the north who practiced life in a way similar to him. It gave Edward hope that he too might be able to accomplish this. Edward felt nervous as he saw the blond doctor extend out his hand. Edward was afraid of attacking the man again, knowing his emotions right now were nearly uncontrollable. But he wasn't feeling rage at the moment, so tentatively reached out and shook the man's hand as he told him to call him by his first name. "Thank you Carlisle...for giving me hope that I don't have to give in to what I'm feeling...and for agreeing to help. I dont want to be a monster"
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