|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Jun 13, 2009 22:03:01 GMT -5
{mid-Eclipse. After Champagne Supernova}
Less then a week had passed and Jayden was still forced to wear the prop bandage to cover her ‘bruised’ cheek. There was no mark beneath it, there never had been, not like the shattered hand of her class mate Katie. Class mate, Jayden saw her more as a rival or she had until she’d really thought about the situation. There was no way she could have a future with Caleb, Jayden knew that. It was better for all if he was with Katie, she wasn’t a risk to him. It was more then just thinking about him, Jayden knew she couldn’t hold her secret forever eventually he would have noticed something about her; it was a secret she had to keep from everyone.
It had taken a few days of think to get up the courage to make the journey she was now making. Jayden knew all along there was nothing permanent for her and Caleb, it had just taken a few days of serious thinking to sort out what to do. After been released from the emergency room Jayden’s first instinct had been to run and put as much space between her and Forks as possible. The hybrid had wanted to be away from Caleb, the school, the Cullens; most of all Carlisle. She knew she’d let them all down, come so close to exposure and her secret, and theirs, been common knowledge.
Since that day at school Jayden had been holed up at her home. She’s packed and unpacked, paced and sat, hunted and come back just as empty.
After the thinking, realization and waiting Jayden finally climbed into her car and headed to Caleb’s home. It was a house she’d visit a few times in their relationship, since he’d moved from his parents place. It was a short drive, but since moving to Forks she’d realized everything generally was. She drove in silence listening instead to every bump of the tires as the road surface changed. The scenery changed from woods, to the town then back to sparse woods and dotted houses.
Drawing up outside the house Jayden noted the lights on inside illuminating the early evening dusk. She could hear movement and for a few moments she tried to discern if who else was home, Caleb was a definite with his care park in the driveway. The night was falling quickly and the car was little more then a shadow in the drive. Jayden pushed her memories of the rides in that car from her mind and looked ahead.
Eventually, with a few deeps breaths Jayden slipped out of the car, standing she straightened her clothes and pressed the gauze to her cheek for fear it would come away and show the lie. Moving at a steady, human, pace she approached the house. No matter how much she wanted this over quickly she wouldn’t rush and risk further exposure. In truth it was the talk she wanted over rather then the relationship, no matter what had happened Jayden couldn’t take back or shut out the love she felt for Caleb.
Reaching the door Jayden held her stance, her hand raised to the door and her legs tensed with anticipation. Deep in her chest she felt the fight or flight emotion take over, but now there was no one to fight but herself. Relaxing her hand she let it fall against the door in two short raps. Resting back on her heels Jayden listened to movement within the house, then let her hearing and eyes wander over the deepening twilight landscape as she waited.
|
|
|
Post by Caleb Walker on Jun 17, 2009 20:29:30 GMT -5
The few days that had passed since the incident with Jayden and Katie had been hellish for Caleb. He had wanted so badly to call off sick from work while he worked through the issues with the girls, but there had already been rumours flying around about him as it was very unusual for a teacher to escort two students to the hospital personally, and he knew that if he did take time off they would only get stronger. At the moment no one was investigating them as more than childish gossip, but he had no inclination to allow matters to escalate further. Thankfully, in one way, neither girl had been in school since the fight, though he knew that was because they were hurt, both of them, physically as well as emotionally.
As he considered the pain that he himself had caused the women, both of whom he had such intolerably strong feelings for, Caleb groaned to himself. He had never been that guy, the one that took advantage of women and left them strewn on the sidewalk and the reason was more than just the fact that he was never much of a looker. He was actually quite a nice guy, the feelings he had for the girls were genuine and the prospect of being wanted by two beautiful young women had gone to his head. He sat back on his sofa, now in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair in marvellous disarray and a beer in his hand, thankful that school was out.
He wondered, as he sat there, whether he should have done more the last few days to contact them or whether the few calls he had left them both on their cells had been too suffocating. He had no idea what they wanted from him now, whether they wanted anything at all, if they wished that he was in some ditch somewhere, if they wanted to talk things through… All he knew was that he had to come to some sort of decision, some sort of plan of action (if you could be so callous about the situation) to figure out what to do before contacting either of them. Leading them on had been wrong, even if the dates that he had been on with them both were the best times of his life, and he knew that he needed to figure out what would happen next in the extremely unlikely circumstance of one of them wanting to get back together with him, or of who to fight for if they both wanted to go their separate ways from him.
Almost lost in his reverie, a deep frown cutting his brow up into scored sections, Caleb almost missed the rapping on the door. However, as soon as the sound did penetrate his mind, he immediately jumped up and made short work of the space to the front door. Flinging his bottle of beer on to the side table, he worked to keep his expression more neutral, not confused, not desperate, but it was hard. He ran his fingers through his hair, but the springy stands were not to be tamed, and then brushed at the significant five o’clock shadow (which was now more like an eleven o’clock shadow) that was cast over his features. Satisfied that he looked somewhat presentable, he opened the front door, his dark eyes immediately honing in on Jayden.
“Jayden,” he breathed, almost as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually stood there on his doorstep. He ate up her appearance, simultaneously appreciating her beauty, as he had every time he had seen her, and noticing the gauze that cast dispersions over it. He sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t be scarred by her injury. His hand immediately went up to his head, pulling at one of the strands of brown hair as he often did when he was nervous or agitated. “D-do you want to come in?” he asked with uncharacteristic nerves in his voice.
|
|
|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Jun 23, 2009 20:19:24 GMT -5
Her eyes combed the falling shadows as she waited outside of Caleb’s new home. Since he’d moved out of his parents home she’d visited this house several times. This time was different her nerves and senses tingled in a way she wasn’t familiar with in regards to seeing Caleb. Normally her senses buzzed listening and searching out his scent when waiting to see him; never before had Jayden been so thankful for her enhanced vampire senses.
There was movement in the house; Jayden heard the sudden movement then the steady fall of footsteps towards the door. There was a rough noise of glass on wood and Jayden glanced towards the door trying to place the sound. Her mind ran through the sounds and possibilities, but it was merely for distraction to stop herself thinking of running from the door before it was even opened. Standing there before the door was opened Jayden wondered again how Caleb was. Having not spoken to him or seen him since the event, having not been at school, she wondered how he was coping. She couldn’t just turn off the feelings she had for him no matter what had happened or what he’d done.
When the door opened Jayden’s eyes scanned his face and took in how different he looked. His jaw was set in a deep cast shadow of stubble, his hair even more disarrayed then usual, but it was his eyes that caught her as he looked at her shocked. She searched his darkened eyes for the comfort and desire she once found there, now she could only remember the feeling of Katie’s hand against her cheek and the memory of seeing him on a date with her.
Her name was no more then a gasp on his lips and Jayden reveled in the sound; it was almost sexual. She wanted him to take her into his arms, but while wanting it she knew that she would resist his embrace. “Hello Caleb.” Jayden said formally feeling uncomfortable standing before him.
Her cheek itched which the gauze was attached with tape, but she didn’t move to itch it Jayden kept her hands still and fisted at her sides. To her he looked tired and she wondered if it was guilt that kept him awake. As he pulled his hair Jayden fought to keep away the memory of her own hands in his hair when they’d kissed many times before; she could tell her was nervous. “Please.” She nodded stepping forward. “I would like to talk to you.” Jayden said not telling anymore then that. In truth she wasn’t sure how she was going to say what she wanted to say.
As Jayden edged forward towards him she held her head high and her spine taught, but what she wanted to do was cave in, run away and escape the whole situation. As she caught his scent it seemed to get harder and harder to remain strong and stick to the words she’d rehearsed over the last few days.
|
|
|
Post by Caleb Walker on Aug 26, 2009 18:46:09 GMT -5
In the brief moments between his own husky gasp of her name and her own greeting to him, Caleb’s heart began to flitter with the beginnings of hope. The few seconds between the two, he managed to create a vast amount of time and possibilities for why she was visiting him now. He hoped that she had come to make up, that she had inexplicably decided to forgive him without him having to do the hard, demoralising grovelling. His darkened eyes flicked over her face, eyes, hair, injured cheek and finally her lips as they parted to speak to him. His own fell open a tiny bit in anticipation of her words, but they quickly pressed together again into a line when he heard the tone of her own greeting to him. That wasn’t the sound of a woman allowing a man who had made a (dreadful) mistake back into her life. It was the sound of breaking ties. So should he just let her have her way? Let her go to create a life with some other lucky guy?
He stood back a little as she said that she did want to come through into the house, his breathing a little shallower than it had been as he considered what was to come now. Definitely breaking ties. ‘I want to talk to you’ was tantamount to ‘we need to talk’, and ‘we need to talk’ was never good news. Ever. He watched her keenly, even now feeling a carnal attraction towards the beautiful young woman, though the formality of her stance was equivalent to the sound of her tone earlier, there didn’t seem to be any give in her.
“I hope you’re feeling better,” he said, quietly, that husky tone penetrating his speech as usual, seeming more pronounced with the lack of joviality in his voice. He knew it was lame, even as he gestured to her cheek, his fingers brushing very close to it, though he knew it would be inappropriate now to touch her in any way, despite their closeness in the near past. He sucked in a sigh, bowing his head as he wrapped his strong arms over his chest, ready for the onslaught.
“I know, we have to talk,” he said, still quiet, still husky. He stepped forward suddenly, his eyes catching Jayden with sudden fired up emotion, this time remorse. “Listen, Jay. You have to know I’m so sorry. I know what I did… it was unforgiveable, and I never meant to hurt anyone but…” He trailed off, squirming, though keeping up the eye contact, knowing that nothing he said would excuse his behaviour over the last few weeks.
|
|
|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Sept 23, 2009 12:32:47 GMT -5
Listening to his breathing dip towards shallow breaths Jayden felt her own breath quicken, it was nerves and she knew if she was more human her hands would be sweating with the same reaction. Instead she remained cool, at least in appearances inside her mind whirled, her heart beat faster and broke a little more. She knew her words must have had some effect, but as she watched for a facial reaction she saw little change; though he already seemed to be feeling terrible. For a moment Jayden wished for Edward’s gift to hear Caleb’s thoughts and know if he still had feelings for her or felt anything for the situation he’d been a factor of.
If she could speak openly and honestly Jayden would have told him that the pain she felt had nothing to do with her cheek. The gauze was little more then a prop to keep up appearances that the blow she’d taken had injured her, there was no mark. The pain she felt was in her heart, Jayden felt betrayed and heart broken. Not for a very long time had she let herself love and now she felt like a fool for that and the trust she’d given him.
“I’m fine, thank you.” Jayden found herself saying, even though it wasn’t a truth. As he reached out to touch her cheek she jerked her head a little, but offered him a weak smile. Despite everything she still craved the contact he’d reach out to offer, but she couldn’t and wouldn’t let herself give in. “How are you doing?” She asked trying to relax her tone, seem less formal, but finding the tension in her body effecting her words as well as he speech.
Listening to his voice brought back so many vivid memories for Jayden, his husky tones still made a part of her heart and body tingle. Maybe if he’d just keep talking Jayden wondered if she’d forget all she knew she had to say. When she wanted to still be with him so much she knew it was dangerous to listen too hard.
With the sudden movement towards her Jayden felt her other instincts take over. Her eyes looked deep into his, but he left foot moved backwards providing her some stance of attack or defense. It was crazy, she knew he would never hurt her physically, nor could he, but her instincts were natural and stronger then what her mind and heart might say.
His words made her relax a little, he was trying to make some kind of amends. Bring her foot back she pulled herself up right and stared back into his amazing, but now sad eyes. “I know you’re sorry Caleb, but it was unforgivable.” Jayden said speaking so gently. She reached up and cupped his cheek a similar manner he had tried to offer her. His skin was hot and familiar, something she'd grown so accustom too so quickly. Gently running her thumb over the growing stubble she half smiled as the contact. “But you did hurt people, and I’m sure you hurt yourself.” She said trying to remember where her own rehearsed speech would fit into his improvised apology.
|
|
|
Post by Caleb Walker on Sept 25, 2009 16:52:21 GMT -5
Caleb allowed his hand to fall limply to his side, bowing his head a little in defeat as he noticed the jerk of Jayden’s head. She obviously wasn’t here for anything good and it made his heart ache. He found himself wanting to comfort her, but he couldn’t because he was the one that caused her pain, both physically and emotionally. He glanced up again as she asked how he was and he wondered if it was some kind of test. It was a simple question and yet he found it difficult to answer. How could he say he was feeling terrible when it must be nothing compared to what he did to her and if he said that he was fine then he would just sound callous. He shrugged his shoulders a little.
“I’ve been better,” he told her, honestly, leaving it vague. That formal tone was so alien and off for her, for them. He remembered the easy exchange of banter that existed between them from the very moment that they met. It had all seemed so natural, it flowed so easily, like it was meant to be. But what was the point in wondering about fate and all that now? He was the one that did this to her, to them and he knew that if it was Katie here instead of her he would feel the same guilt, the same yearning for her as he did with Jayden. Dismally, he realised that he couldn’t even help himself, so he had no chance of helping either of them.
At first, the losing streak of perseverance of the relationship seemed to work, or so it seemed. Caleb looked into Jay’s startlingly clear honey eyes, searching for some sign that he was forgiven, or for hope that maybe one day he would be. He was looking for hope, but as he was searching for it he noticed the change in her stance. He didn’t really see it as a shift for physical defence, but as a lack of trust. The very first day they met he had held her life in his hands when they climbed. He had destroyed so much. He allowed his intense gaze to drop once more, his lips not even betraying a shadow of a smile, not even for show.
“I’m sorry,” he almost whispered in that grainy voice of his, this time his tone soft and low. This time he wasn’t apologising for his cheating, he was apologising for apologising, for hoping that they could get through this somehow. He took in a deep breath and let out a sigh, not a long, laboured one, but one that betrayed a heavy chest.
He took in a sharp breath as she touched his cheek, dark eyes looking vulnerable and remorseful now that he knew it was too late. He had royally screwed up and no amount of charisma or begging would fix this. He had been in a position of no power plenty of times in his life and he wasn’t enjoying the return of the feeling. He blinked and frowned, turning his head from her words, wishing this wasn’t happening. He had been expecting ‘the break up’ since the day that he got caught, but he didn’t know his heart could ache this much.
“I know I did… I-I… was dumb…” he conceded, forcing his eyes back to hers, trying to show his new sincerity, trying to show all kinds of levels of emotion that he had only just discovered existed within him. He didn’t want to lose her.
|
|
|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Oct 5, 2009 21:56:31 GMT -5
Jerking away from his was an instinctual move, but seeing his reaction Jayden felt horrible for letting it happen. She knew she should have had better control over what her emotions were causing her body to do. Jayden knew he body was still yearning for him, part of it and her still wanted to reach out to him, but she knew she couldn’t and that she shouldn’t. After all that had happened at the school, the conversation with Carlisle and the past days of thinking Jayden knew what he stand was and what she had to do no matter the hurt and confusion she still had. Seeing his shoulders shrug at her question she knew they must both have the same feelings of uncertainty.
She had been better too. In all her years Jayden could only think of one time she’d been worst and that was the years following the loss of her father. Though these feelings were partially of her making it made them no less real of painful. She didn’t speak in reply, merely nodding, there were no words to offer for their current set of emotions. Gone were their secret smiled and innuendo filled words, not it was solemn and laidened with loaded pauses that hung awkwardly. Jayden wished it could be easier to end it as it had been started, but she knew it couldn’t and wouldn’t be.
No matter how difficult the task was Jayden still felt her eyes pulled to his losing herself for fleeting moments in his deeper then usual eyes. Though she lost herself for moments she tried to remain on task and show no falsity in her freshly hunted eyes. “Caleb…” she said looking away from him to pull herself back.
His apology was heartfelt and she tried not to take it to her heart, if she did her resolve was sure to crumble. “I know.” She replied unsure what this apology was for; cheating, getting caught, or something else. Copying his sigh Jayden released her own short sigh, her’s less heavy then the one she heard from him. “I’m sorry too.” She was sorry for falling for him, sorry for provoking Katie and sorry for having to do what she’d come to do.
“Not dumb, just young and maybe foolish.” She smiled sadly as she rubbed his cheek again with her thumb. If only he knew how his action could be put down to his youth and her portrayed youth just as Carlisle had explained the young often acted as she had. “but even that can’t help it be forgiven, you see that don’t you?” She asked hoping he would see how hopeless any future was even if they both wanted it; a part of her really did.
|
|
|
Post by Caleb Walker on Oct 29, 2009 8:53:21 GMT -5
Caleb allowed the penetrating stare he had been subjecting Jayden to drop as soon as she uttered his name and looked away from it. There was a time when they would both get lost in each others’ gazes and be happy about it, but it was definitely no longer the case. He could tell by the physical reaction in her that he still held some draw, but now her mind was firmly in control and apparently it didn’t want to give in to him. She was a lot stronger than he had ever thought, and that had been of the qualities that had attracted him to her in the first place.
His dark eyes once again peered into her face as she responded to his apology, encouraged by her tone. It confused him when she apologised too, though. He knew that she had absolutely nothing to be sorry for and yet everything about her expression made him believe that it was genuine. He frowned, hoping she wasn’t regretting the whole of their relationship; he knew they had had good times, great times.
“You have nothing to apologise for,” he told her firmly. His expression softened as she chastised him softly, and he looked quite bashful. He shrugged a little, “Well, I think the last while has matured me quite a lot…” he told her, hoping that she would see it in him. He wondered at what point he would recognise that the situation was futile, that there was no way she would give him a second chance. he tilted his head a little into her hand as she brushed his cheek, the touch so tentative and teasing.
“There’s no chance?” he asked her, tone low and dull, not the husky, teasing tone of brighter days. “It was a mistake, just a stupid mistake… it wouldn’t happen again…” He closed his mouth now looking squarely at her once more, that moment of realisation drawing ever closer.
|
|
|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Jan 5, 2010 22:55:05 GMT -5
The whole situation felt to Jayden like she must apologize, she was older and firmly believed she should have known better then to get involved especially to the level it rose to. No matter how sorry she felt and how horrible things had turned out to be she couldn’t make herself regret her time with Caleb however wrong it may have been to some. He’d made her feel almost human, almost whole. He’d made her feel things she wasn’t sure she could feel.
The bashful look made Jayden smile, it gave him an air of a man so much younger that she felt instantly older for a moment she wondered if this was how her father viewed her and the humans he met. “The arrogance of youth…” She said not out of spite but as a common meaning his youth, but sure he would take it as a comment as mutual youth. Although Jayden wasn’t old to her kind she certainly felt her years with the company she’d recently kept and the situations she’d allowed herself to get into. Touching his cheek gave her comfort, she enjoyed the pressure he gave as he turned to the touch and she smiled in return. “To give in would be so easy.” She said more to herself then to him knowing that to give into what she wanted, been with him, would be easier then the logic of breaking it off completely.
“There’s no chance?” he asked her, tone low and dull, not the husky, teasing tone of brighter days. “It was a mistake, just a stupid mistake… it wouldn’t happen again…” He closed his mouth now looking squarely at her once more, that moment of realisation drawing ever closer.
The tone was alien to her ears with it coming from him, he seemed almost dulled and his voice reflected it. “It wouldn’t be right now, not after all that happened. So many lies and untold truths on both our parts.” She said taking the blame again and knowing that although she could admit the existence of things unspoken that she could never speak them to him. “Not a mistake, just not meant to be. Don’t call Katie a mistake that’s not fair to her. You’re young, its ok to explore. I shouldn’t do this, I can’t be this close to someone.” She explained taking it on to her as her thinking over the last few days had brought her do.
Stepping back she dropped her hand from his face and broke contact. “You’ll find someone Caleb. Someone for you and like you, but its not me.” She said still looking at him wishing she could be human enough for him or monster enough to not be hurt by all that was happening.
|
|
|
Post by Caleb Walker on Mar 1, 2010 16:36:08 GMT -5
Caleb allowed his eyes to dip as Jayden voiced the old adage about youth, assuming that she was telling him in a polite way that he was too immature for her. That wistful tone though, as if she had lived through all this and had grown weary of the way the world worked, that was confusing to him. He had grown a little accustomed to it during their too brief time together, she had the odd moment when she seemed to be of another time. It was never something he dwelled on though.
As she spoke of how easy it was to give in to his pleas for forgiveness a small spark of hope ignited and he raised his eyes to hers, searching. Continuing to lean into her cool hand, he raised his own and covered it, wanting to make the moment last. Even though he was praying for hope of a second chance, in his heart of hearts he knew it wasn't going to happen; it couldn't happen now, he'd hurt her too much and pushed too far down the wrong path to go back.
He bowed his head again as she confirmed that too much had been said and done to carry on where they left off, allowing his hand to flop back down to his side. He didn't really know what she was refering to when she said it was both their parts that were in fault and wondered if she was just trying to make him feel better. He knew he didn't deserve that, though, this was all him and no one else. Katie and Jayden were both completely innocent in this - just two teenage girls that he had taken advantage of for far too long.
"This was all me," he told her, shaking his head, not wanting her to think herself at fault in the least. He hadn't taken the feisty auburn-haired teen to be easily swayed into sharing blame for something she had no part of. But even if she was just trying to make him feel less bad, he didn't want her to pity him in that way. He knew he didn't deserve it in the least. "You never led me astray."
Caleb's face crinkled as she started talking like she was so old again. Had he really done that to her? Aged her so rapidly? He hoped not; he didn't want to be responsible for ending her youth, the most vibrant part of her life, and he hoped that she would rejuvenate either with him or without him. "You talk like you're so old," he commented, flicking his eyes back up to her, attempting a slightly watery smile. "He longed to reach out to her again, but found that he didn't dare to anymore. "You can be with anyone you want to ... Anyone."
A well of emotion surged in his stomach and his chest as his ex-girlfriend stepped away and told him unequivocally that she was not the one for him. He shoved his hands into his pockets, suddenly thirsty for another beer, and avoided her gaze like the plague. "I wouldn't be so sure," he said eventually and quietly. "Maybe I blew my chance."
|
|
|
Post by Jayden Murphy on Mar 22, 2010 19:04:49 GMT -5
To someone his age it was sure to sound cliché, maybe even derogatory, but she meant it truthfully. It was her own arrogance she meant more then his, to think that she knew enough to be able to enter a relationship with a man let alone a human. Edward had his trials and he was older and more supported then she could ever hope to be.
It was harder to pull away from the relationship then it was to keep going on with it. Jayden knew it would be so easy to go one with him, pretend the Katie thing and the fight had never happened, but she knew that was less fair on him then the heart break of the break up was. When his hand covered her’s Jayden want to reach out into his embrace, one she was sure they would both revel in if only to regret or cherish later, but she didn’t. Staying with him, even too much longer, would hurt him more.
It was her fault as much as his, if not more. She was older and more worldly she should have known. It was what she kept telling herself, she should have known better. No human and Vampire could exist in the relationship she was concocting with him even up to the moment she fought with the human girl. Her parents had failed, Edward had almost lost Bella and was sure to fail before any hope of a happy ending. With Caleb she’d been lost in the dream of what could have been if she was all human not a mixture of the worst of both her parents.
Of course he wouldn’t know it, how could he know it was her very genetic make up that was created to lead him astray and lure him into her. Of course that make up was never intended to be used to find a human mate, no it was for a human meal the very blood that carried his guilt now. “Don’t take it all on you Caleb.” She asked him wanting him to realize she was at fault too, more then he knew. How could she make him see she was to blame too without explaining how, or giving away her secrets and others secrets.
His words made her smile and laugh lightly, he was so close to the truth it hurt to go on with the charade of her teenage years. “Sometimes age isn’t visible.” She said knowing it was cryptic but it was as close to the truth as she could say without willingly telling him everything. “That’s not true. Even when we really want someone, sometimes its best for all involved not to be with that person. You’lll see Caleb, what we want isn’t what’s best for us.” She said gently looking into his eyes wishing she had Jasper’s ability to turn his emotions into understanding and acceptance instead of the heartbreak she was sure he was feeling. It was heartbreak she felt right then.
Walking away was the only option, but his words caused her to halt and turn. “Nothing is certain or sure, but you didn’t blow anything. Its just not our time, but we had a great time…” She said wistfully remembering how completely alive and human he made her feel, she smiled at that.
|
|